This is the fourth issue in my on-going series of diaries covering the events at the
23rd annual Miami Book Fair International (
MBFI). You can read Installments I
An Evening with Frank McCourt, II
An Evening with Thomas Cahill, and III
An Evening with Edward P. Jones if chronological order is important to you.
Arianna Huffington wants all women - and men - to live without fear. Just who is this prophet of empowerment? She's Greek, she's a Cambridge graduate, she wrote her first novel at 23. She's influential, she's talked back to the likes of William F. Buckley, Prince Charles, and John Kenneth Galbraith - and she's been heard. She's a converted Republican, columnist, frequent guest on cable TV and public radio, and founder of one of the most influential news blogs on the Internet, The Huffington Post. Obviously she's not afraid to seek and speak the truth to power and anyone within earshot. Time magazine selected her as one of the 100 most influential people in the world.
Some in the audience of 1000 might have been disappointed that Huffington did not come tonight to talk about politics, instead she came to talk about fearlessness, which she defined as
not the absence of fear, but the ability to go forward in the presence of fear. And she did so without notes, engaging everyone in what felt like a
tête-à-tête.
"Women have so much potential, yet we hold ourselves back. If my daughters and women of all ages, are to take their rightful place in society, they must become fearless." Her book, On Becoming Fearless. . .in Love, Work, and Life is intended to show how it's never too late for every woman to develop the fearlessness required to achieve her dreams.
When we live without fear our true nature becomes accessible; we can live to our fullest and become our authentic selves is the essence of Huffington's message, delivered in an accent echoing her motherland. "Those of you who have not heard me speak before - this accent is real. In places like Fresno, they think it's fake and want to know how I do it. But here in Miami, I don't believe I've met three people without an accent, and I feel at home."
"Why did I decide to write a book about fearlessness? Because I have two teen-aged daughters who had once been courageous do-anything girls and had become timid teens, afraid to do anything that might not meet with their peers' approval."
She has been mocked, ridiculed, scoffed at, vilified, and faced adversity. But fearlessly she has remained grounded and fearless through it all. Huffington told her audience that everyone feels that there is somewhere they want to go. The difference between those who move toward their goals and either achieve them, or experience failure and yet persist, and those who do not attempt to reach their goals because of self-doubt and self-criticism, is the quality of fearlessness. Anyone can become fearless because it's a learned behavior. On Becoming Fearless is dedicated to teaching us how to be bold.
For women, especially, fear arises in three areas: the Inner Critic; Body Image issues; and Relationship issues. Her discussion this evening largely was dedicated to providing examples and insights so that people could see how fearlessness could replace inhibition in achieving their life's desires.
The Inner Critic is the voice inside one's head that tells us everything negative about ourselves, our abilities, and our perceived worthiness. It's the "obnoxious roommate" who we wouldn't tolerate if it was an actual person; it says things to us that we wouldn't suffer hearing from a best friend. Our worst enemies don't talk about us like the "obnoxious roommate" does. Successful, fearless people separate the self from that voice; they make fun of it by not taking themselves too seriously. "My mother used to say that `Angels fly because they take themselves lightly.'" Laugh, laugh at the carping coming from inside your brain.
Body Image is a result of comparison. It produces fear when we feel that we are not meeting an impossible standard of popular glamor. Women fear the changes the see in themselves as they age only because our lives are flooded by air-brushed perfections that have been nipped and tucked, dressed and "produced" by a stable of assistants in order to effect an impossible vision. Banish this fear by focusing on gratitude, the blessings in life. "Colette, the French writer, said, `I have such a wonderful life; I only wish I'd realized it sooner.' Did you know that ten million women went under the knife last year alone? Never in the history of the world has civilization seen this amount of demolition, clearing away, and reconstruction. And they say America doesn't make anything any more." Instead of comparing yourself to the impossible Ideal, compare yourself to the less fortunate and count your blessings. Focus on what you love rather than what you want to avoid in order to go forward.
"It's been said that for a man to be considered ruthless, he has to behave like Joseph McCarthy. If you're a woman, all you have to do is put someone on hold." The accepted norm may be that women are meek, mild, nurturing, and self-effacing. They can be. And they can be bold, ambitious, commanding, and powerful - and still be women. It is in Relationships that women can lose their opportunities for self-actualization. Women don't need a man to be complete. Is there anything worse than being in a bad relationship? Too often men and women stay in them because they are afraid of being alone. When we're afraid it's difficult to imagine that out of our worst disappointments can come the best things in our lives. Why settle? Recognize that the most important relationship in your life is the one with yourself.
Huffington closed with aphoristic words of wisdom. "Never hold grudges," she admonished. "Don't worry over what might happen, don't be a victim of your own imagination. "Montaigne told us this about himself, `There were many terrible things in my life but most of them never even happened.'"
"Watch what you put your energy into. For instance, I was watching TV the other day and the only news was blondes reporting on missing blondes. Now it may be a personal tragedy, but it's not a collective one. Instead of watching TV, get out of the house. Go volunteer. By helping someone else, you mostly help yourself."
"Be careful about the people who are in your own fearlessness tribe. Don't stay with people who tell you, `You can't do that, it's too risky.' I was fortunate to have a solid foundation in living fearlessly from my mother, who left my philandering father when she had no money, no job, no place to go, and no skills. But, unafraid of being alone, she did anything and everything to keep her family together. And we made it."
During the Q&A that followed her talk, Huffington did address politics. About her own political "conversion" she had this to say, "It was from being on Strange Bedfellows, a radio show with Al Franken in the 90's. Each week we argued our opposing views about political issues on the air, and afterward we continued to talk. Listening to his positions forced me to think about my own, and I discovered I was wrong. That didn't make me too popular with some of my friends of the time. If you're going to be true to yourself, you may lose a few friends."
Asked if there was some fearless person she may disagree with but still respect, she responded, "Right now there is a fearless person in public life whom I don't agree with on everything but really admire. That is John Murtha who about a year ago dared to stand up and said that the president had misled this country into a war based on misinformation and lies; then he said he was wrong in voting to go to war; he dared to stand up when no one else did. He was fearless and he was right."
She left the audience with a some final pearls on boldness, "Become a real adventurer in your own life. Every time you take a step forward in spite of your fears, you feel more alive. When you hold back from doing something, you feel less vital. Always be thankful for every day that you live free from fear. I want to leave you with this point. In the same way that fear is contagious, fearlessness is contagious, too. Go forth and create an epidemic of fearlessness."
[Next Installment: Isabel Allende, the most widely-read Latin American writer of this century.]