Good Morning from Central Carolina. I say that figuratively. (Literally, the morning sucks dead bears. Cold rain, high winds with a high around 44°.)
On the Eve Of Turkey Day, let me say thanks to all the Kossacks who play in the pool.
Thanks to the progenitor of the pool, Bill, and his Faithful Minions in Maine.
Thanks to the people who keep the water clean swirly when Bill slacks off takes a much-needed break.
Thanks to the regulars and the iregulars who keep the snark sharp and the perv nervy.
Thanks as always to the Rescue Rangers and Top Commenteers.
New T-Shirt Slogan: DELETE this Administration, NOW, Kos!!
Even though Katherine Harris has faded into Pure Comedy Gold® History and Tom's 51 Day Wonder will follow her soon to the Bed of Transylvanian Soil to which they must return each evening, there is a rich Motherlode yet to be mined.
Via Serephin/Congressional Daily/43rd State Blues:
"Earlier that day, freshman Rep.-elect Bill Sali, R-Idaho, showed up a day early and in the wrong place -- the Democratic Caucus meeting. Sali, a goateed, conservative state legislator whose reputation for political combat preceded him to Washington, said he was following the schedule provided to him by the House Administration Committee, and so headed to room 345 in the Cannon House Office Building after attending a prayer breakfast. "They'd been very good until then," Sali said of the committee. The committee couldn't confirm the mix-up."
The Democrats could however. This is the guy the Republican Frosh elected Class President. "Needermeyer, please report to Dean Wormer's office."
Senator Stevens has a soul brother, Bobby Bowden (a great football coach by any measure, but not being recruited by NASA):
On the resignation of his son, Jeff, as Offensive Coordinator after the 30-0 thrashing Florida State recieved at the hands of Wake frigging Forest:
"Because you all ignited it," he said to a small room of reporters. "You listen to eBay and e-mail and all that junk, and you all kept writing about it and that fans it and makes it grow and grow, and it becomes a cancer. That's why."
I listened to eBay once and it was nothing but heartache.
The Snarkdetector twitches and begins to glow.
Adventures in telemarketing. The telephone rings.
"Hi. I'm (we'll call him Justin) Justin from Earthlink/Time-Warner with great news. We can now offer high speed Internet service in your area."
teeb: "No you can't. Trust me."
J: "Sure. According to our latest update, we can offer the new service through your cable, in your area."
t: "We do not have cable. No one on our road has cable. Are you offering DSL? We live too far away from the nearest exchange box to get DSL."
J: "This is not DSL. We can send a technician to your home and install some equipment on the line coming into your house."
t:" I already told you we don't have cable. There is no cable access within 5 miles of our house. Nobody in the neighborhood has cable."
J: "All you have to do is give us the OK and you will have the fastest in high speed internet service."
t: "We don't have cable."
J: "No problem. We will send a technician to your house and install a box on the wire coming into your house and then something on your computer to connect it to the wire coming out of the wall. Just like your TV."
t: "There is no wire from the wall to our TV."
J: "Our technician can install one. You do not have to subscribe to the cable TV part."
t: "Justin. Listen to the words I'm saying. You seem like a smart kid. Turn your brain on and connect it to your ears. Take all the words I'm giving to you and put them together into short sentences. There is no wire coming into our house. There is no wire going into any home within 5 miles of here. Time-Warner will not string the wires. Too few houses per mile to make it worth their while. Let me repeat one more time. We do not have cable."
Stunned silence.. I might have gotten through the bozone layer...
J: "Wow. How do you get TV?"
t: "Through the antenna on the top of the house."
J: "Oh." Soft pop, sound of head exploding. Click. Mmmmmmmmmmm. Dead air.
They will call back. They always do. The joys of living in the woods.
Hail and Farewell to Robert Altman. One of the best ever.
Cheers to the New Dawn in America.
Cheers to the repair of the Bill of Rights.
Say It Ain't So: Barbara Bush (the Twin, not the Granny) had her purse and cell phone stolen at a restaurant in Argentina yesterday, while being guarded by the Secret Service. Aside from any question about the efficiency of the National Escort Service, I'm wondering how many days will pass before the stored cell phone pictures show up in the InnerTubes.
Anyone want to take bets on them showing up on a proof-of-age-required pay site?
Get Yer Birthdays Here!:
1744 Abigail Adams
1808 Thomas Cook, founder, Cook travel bureau
1819 George Eliot, (Mary A Evans), Silas Marner
1888 Tarzan, of the Apes, according to Edgar Rice Burroughs' novel.
1890 Charles de Gaulle. Remains dead according to the latest breaking news.
1899 Hoagy Carmichael
1899 Wiley Post
1918 Claiborne Pell
1921 Rodney Dangerfield, (John Cohen). Give him some respect.
1923 Arthur Hiller, director, Love Story
Love is never having to say "Cut!".
1924 Geraldine Page
1932 Robert Vaughn, Napolean Solo-Man from UNCLE, I Spy
1940 Terry Gilliam, animator, Monty Python
1941 Tom Conti
1943 Billie Jean King The. Greatest. Ever.
1950 Little Steven Van Zandt
Serious Babe Alert!!
1958 Jamie Lee Curtis
1961 Mariel Hemingway
1967 Boris Becker
1984 Scarlett Johansson
Jeers to the Grim Reaper. You come a-calling too early, too often.
Singing With Elvis The Choir Eternal:
2001 Mary Kay Ash, Pretty in pink.
1996 Mark Lenard, Sarek-Star Trek.
1993 Bill Bixby, My Favorite Martian.
1992 Sterling Holloway, Golddiggers of 1933, Batman.
1986 Scatman Crothers, Shining, Zapped
1980 Mae West, She Done Him Wrong, among other things:
Love thy neighbor--and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.
1963 Aldous L Huxley:
Chastity - the most unnatural of all the sexual perversions.
1963 Clive Staples Lewis:
Every one says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive.
1963 John F Kennedy Damn. Damn. Damn.
1955 Shemp Howard, The Fourth Stooge.
1944 Sir Arthur Eddington:
We are bits of stellar matter that got cold by accident, bits of a star gone wrong.
1943 Lorenz Hart
1916 Jack London:
I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.
1896 George Washington Gale Ferris, inventor of the Ferris Wheel.
1718 Edward "Blackbeard" Teach, English pirate
1247 Robin Hood, dies according to "A Lytell Geste of Robyn Hood"
11/22/63
Yes. We at the teeb household know what day it is. I was in 7th period math class in the 7th grade at Hawthorne Junior High in Charlotte. It was a sunny day. The intercom crackled. The principal's voice was breaking as he announced the terrible news from Dallas. Classes were dismissed and everyone went home. We walked. The city schools did not have buses. I watched Walter Cronkite around the clock through the whole ordeal. Jackie. John-John. Caroline. The salute. The Caisson. The entire Kennedy Family. The tears and the strength and the dignity.
Even then, as young as we were, we knew that Camelot had been destroyed by a crazy person, or persons, forever.
Yes. We remember.
Breaking News From The Grassy Knoll:
1922 Howard Carter, assisted by Lord Carnarvon, opens the tomb of Tutankhamun.
1927 1st snowmobile patent granted to Carl Eliason (Sayner Wisc).
1932 Pump patented that computes quantity and price delivered. You no longer have to pull Bill's finger to get gas.
1955 RCA Victor's best investment: paying $25,000 to Sun Records and Sam Philips for rights to Elvis Presley, a truck driver from Tupelo, Miss.
1957 Simon and Garfunkel appear on "American Bandstand" as "Tom and Jerry".
1963 Beatles release their 2nd album "With the Beatles" in UK.
1965 Bob Dylan weds Sara Lowndes.
1967 BBC unofficially bans "I Am the Walrus" by Beatles.
1968 - The Beatles release the double album The Beatles, commonly known as The White Album.
1968 1st interracial TV kiss, Star Trek between Kirk and Uhura.
1975 - Juan Carlos is declared King of Spain following the ongoing death of Francisco Franco.
1977 Regular Concorde passenger service between New York and Europe begins.
1992 Washington Post reports Oregon Senator Bob Packwood sexually harassed 10 women. Pretty busy day, even for a Republican.
2004 The Orange Revolution begins in Ukraine, resulting from the presidential elections.
Cheers to all of you. You brighten the days.
Due to having dial-up InnerTube access here at teeb Central (despite the efforts of the above mentioned Justin), we could not load the entire "New Slogan Wanted" diary. We hope some Generous Kossack out there had the time to spare to sort through the 10³ comments to isolate the actual slogan suggestions. Cheers in advance if those potential t-shirt slogans show up here.
Now have at it.