The first step is admitting you have a problem, right? Although, in this case, I am hardly looking for a multi-step program to break this addiction. You see, I have come to the realization that I am a dKosoholic. A sucker for the truth, if you will.
And while there are many many benefits to this sort of addiction, there are, at the same time, drawbacks. Take the balancing act that it takes between knowing how much more informed I am than pretty much everyone else that I come into contact with. Holding back the urge to say "yeah, I heard that weeks ago" when someone sends me a link to "breaking news" (HA—like they know what "breaking" really is....) can be tough sometimes.
Of course, the smug satisfaction of being more enlightened as well as the ability to enlighten others about just about every horror that We the People have been bombarded with over the past six years is a tightrope that I must walk daily. Oh, the horror of this. Whoever said that "knowledge is power" clearly didn’t realize how addicting this power can be.
But there certainly are the drawbacks. For example, when we are out to dinner and the desert menu comes, it is oh-so-difficult to yell out "PIE!!!" as a knee jerk reaction. Or when I am talking about politics or current events with someone who clearly is talking out of their ass – how do you fight the urge to scream out "TROLL!!!" or just start reciting a recipe to drown out the drivel that I am hearing....But I guess that beats the urge I have to tell these people to just shut their fucking pie holes.
And that isn’t even the worst of it. Imagine my wife’s embarrassment when we are at our friends’ houses and their cat comes strutting up and I find myself saying, "my, what a nice pootie you have". Jeez, the strange looks that I get are the best case scenario there. No wonder we don’t get invited out that often.
On the other hand, while my wife was never really thrilled with my yelling at the television during sporting events, she now knows that it isn’t just a "sports thing" as she has found me routinely screaming "LIAR!!" or "BULLSHIT!!" to guests on the Sunday talk shows. Of course, that may not really make up for the fact that at one time or another, ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX and just about every other channel has been "banned" by me.
As for the strange looks that I get when I dismiss anything by Mr. Potato Head or Tweety (or any of the other talking meatsticks) for that matter, well, I find myself uttering "um, never mind" or offering a sheepish explanation of why I am referring to these people by my little "pet names".
But it doesn’t stop there. The emptiness I feel when ct’s "screen of death" comes up saying that there is "maintenance" going on and we will be back shortly is only outweighted by the overpowering urge to hit "refresh" every 5 seconds until I can get my fix.
Or the urge to run back to the computer every 10 minutes to see the replies to my comments, how many recommends my diary is getting (and you all better not let me down today...), the searching for "clammyc" (or "clammy") by comments or diaries, the anticipation of jotter’s weekly diary to see how I "stacked up" that particular week (and that annual impact diary was like a mega fix, of course).
The signs were all there. I should have seen it earlier. But man is it good to be a dKosoholic.
Now you must excuse me as I eagerly await jotter’s weekly list.....