An exclusive report from Unbossed.com.
JACKSON HOLE, WY: Visitors to the Wyoming Center for the Performing Arts received the thrill of a lifetime with a special performance art event by Vice President Dick Cheney. The piece entitled, "Gaze Upon the Wonder of Freedom," the Vice President sat nude in a small grey room for one hour without moving. Many patrons of the museum were moved to tears by the intensity of the patriotic expression and personal sacrifice exhibited by the wartime Vice President. Gift shop sales were reportedly brisk.
Cheney retorted that the performance in Jackson Hole today was not his first foray into public theatrical expression. Many less cultured Democrats criticized the Vice President in January for wearing a parka and hiking boots at a solemn gathering of world leaders to mark the 60th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz. In fact, Cheney's attire was a deeply profound metaphor signifying that our bodies are the only true homes of our God-given souls. Clothing is merely a weapon--be it an embroidered Vice Presidential ski cap or lice-infested concentration camp uniform--for small-minded Democrats to express their communistic plan to ignite a culture war in this God-fearing country of have-nots and have-at-ems through a little known USA Patriot Act Clothing Identification System
TM which was introduced by former North Carolina Senator, failed Vice Presidential Candidate, and Son of a Millworker turned Dirty Trial Lawyer, John "Breck Girl" Edwards.
Cheney indicated that he is seriously weighing "this new life affirming" career opportunity in the arts following his forced retirement from public service in 2009. Asked why he is considering such a controversial avocation as performance art over more wholesome creative expression like musical theater, the Vice President snarled, "Nah, that would be gay."