There is clearly a need for us to create fixed measures for the approximations that politicians, pundits and bureaucrats apply with impunity, whenever there's a need to "set timeframes" towards a goal.
If not, much confusion will ensue.
For this reason, I have taken it upon myself, in the spirit of the Academicians who defined the meter, to cast light upon the murkiness we have been visited with.
One man's "imminent victory" clearly is another man's "never ending morass", and this simply won't do.
Imminent - who knows? Could be anytime. We're hoping for soon. The sooner the better, really. We wish.
Last throes - also known as a Cheney. Cheneys are useful when you wish to hope for the imminent demise of an adversary that is proving unexpectedly resilient. The term 'last throes' will immediately induce stupor in any journalist's mind, particularly in that of Tim Russert.
Just around the corner - eventually you will have turned so many corners that you are back where you started. Then you can just have another go, all the way around, rinse and repeat. The trick is to pretend that all this cornering is leading somewhere, rather than just being a futile exercise in standing in place.
The Foreseeable Future - usually recognized to be 1/4 of a news cycle.
A News Cycle - Used to be 24 hours. With news objects jetting to and fro across the globe, and local news cycles getting mixed up with regional, continental and global ditto, the Cycle is now more often regarded as a Cyclone.
A News Cyclone - a whole mess of events happening without anyone really knowing who initiated what. Can have the sorry effect of stranding Madame Supertanker in Israel, when she really wanted to berth in Beirut.
An Olmert - The Olmert is a recent time measure, and appears to be particularly prone to time dilation effects. For instance, an Olmert induced Cease Fire of 48 hours can be announced, only to be ended after 12. The News Cyclone registers the 48 hours, and takes this at face value as having occurred. The Cyclone then continues reporting as if the 12 hours are in fact 48.
Another recent usage sets the Olmert at 1 (One) Week, indicating its time-dilatory capabilities. Usage: "Israel will have attained its goals within a week." Three to four weeks in, with No End in Sight (see this), the flexibility of the Olmert puts its value as a time measure in doubt.
No End in Sight - a defeatist time measure that should be avoided by players. Anyone embarking upon a NEiS venture risks being chided for being ineffective. NEiS is most often used by the opposition, in a futile attempt at criticizing players for their decisions. "There is NEiS to our presence in Iraq."
A Rumsfeld - An alternate universe where Time, dimensions, the past and the future are merged in The Cauldron of HyperSpeculation. In the Rumsfeldian Alterverse anything is possible. Defeat can be snatched from the jaw of victory at any moment.
The Friedman Unit - generally recognized to be a half cycle of the planet Tellus' orbit around its sun at the edge of the Milky Way Galaxy. The Earth calendar is divided into twelve months, thus placing the F.U. at six of these months.
Used to indicate how an imminent defeat can be avoided if one is only willing to wait for the entirety of a Friedman Unit. Friedman Units are endlessly renewable. Anyone employing one is free to renew it at its expiration, thus pushing the stated goal into another Tellar half-cycle. In this way, Last Throes can also be extended indefinitely, as they are inextricably tied to Friedman Units.
Both Last Throes, Just Around the Corner and Friedman Units are generally categorized under Wishful Thinking.
Recently, the value of the Friedman Unit was called into question, as its originator expressed doubts as to whether he would call for a renewal at its expiration. The case is not closed.
The Bush Fiesta - this time unit can be instantly called, at any moment, anywhere, by the most powerful man on the planet Tellus. Accountability flies out the window when the Bush Fiesta is instituted, and respectable questions can be answered at will. Telling moments in Bush Fiesta periods:
1. Watch this drive.
2. Non reaction to PDB of August 6, 2001.
3. The seven long Bush Fiesta minutes enjoyed in Florida, following the announcement of the attack on the second of the World Trade Towers.
4. Timelines can be jumbled into the most opportune order, with the goal of ensuring that those protected by the Bush Fiesta are seen in the best light possible. The Full Bush Fiesta regularly lasts eight years, after which the press is expected to wake up and state: "WTF just happened?"
5. Mission Accomplished in April 2003 can morph into "The solution to Iraq is something that my successor will have to handle."
The Russert Blank - not so much a time measure, as the inability to remember what everybody knows. Thus sufferers, when met with a complete, total and easily revealed inconsistency, fallacy or outright lie, by one of the people protected under The Bush Fiesta - said sufferers will prove incapable of countering such falsehoods or attempts at spin.
One famous sufferer, Tim Russert of Meet the Press (the unit is named after him), repeatedly will aver, after exposure, that his mind was a total blank, and he was simply unable to understand that he was being made a fool of.