Cross-posted at the Writing on the Wal with a different title.
Dear American Family Association:
I read that you are "disappointed" by the decision of Wal-Mart Stores Inc. to hold a "pro-homosexual seminar" today, entitled "Why Market to Gay America?" Your spokesperson is quoted as saying:
"Basically what [Wal-Mart is] doing is they're giving their stamp of approval on homosexuality, recognizing it as a facet in America that deserves their support and their encouragement...And they want their business."
As a student of Wal-Mart's business practices, I feel confident in telling you that the only agenda Wal-Mart is interested in is their own. Indeed, the only thing Wal-Mart REALLY cares about is making as much money as humanly possible.
Consider the company's record on race relations. On its website, Wal-Mart brags about its commitment to diversity, but when a black man wanted to buy gift cards at a Florida Wal-Mart with a $13,600 check, the manager detained him and called the cops. Hiring diverse management costs Wal-Mart nothing. When $13,600 is at stake, the company's racial sensitivity goes the way of its "Buy American" program.
If you really want to get Wal-Mart to stop catering to the so-called "radical homosexual agenda," you're going to need to start a boycott immediately. It worked for those ridiculous "War on Christmas People" when they got upset about Wal-Mart using the word "holidays" instead of Christmas.
But, of course, it cost Wal-Mart nothing to stop saying "holidays" and start saying "Christmas." You're going to want to follow the plan of the misogynist anti-abortion crowd who scared Wal-Mart into not selling emergency contraception without lifting a finger. But Wal-Mart won't even admit that it's catering to that extrimist faction, so you're going to need to make your hate-filled bigoted demands in as many conservative web sites and news outlets as humanly possible so that everyone in Red America will know exactly what Wal-Mart is doing to undermine the morals of this country and won't shop there anymore.
If Wal-Mart refuses to cave, you'll just have to keep that boycott going for as long as it takes. After all, this is really important. So what if some of your followers live in those rural Texas towns where Wal-Mart is the only grocer for 50 miles around. It's their fault for shopping there in the first place.
And, by chance, if Wal-Mart caves in to your contemptible demands, I know someone who will make the company wish that they never expanded outside of Arkansas.
Regards,
Jonathan