As we all know, much of the country has come to the realization that the Iraq invasion is based on lies and deceit. Furthermore covering up those lies has taken untold numbers of more lies. In fact, it has gotten to the point that even Rove has run out of clever lies.
This could not have come at a worse time for the Bush administration, since they are planning to unleash a large scale propaganda campaign to re-stupify the country set for next month.
Anonymous White House staffers have said that "It has reached a crisis point." and that "Rumsfeld is throwing things at us." One even said things have gotten so bad that "Dick Cheney has lost his appetite and has gone without eating children for days."
In light of this crisis Bush has turned to Hollywood for help, several possible campaigns are being explored:
The Buddy Bush/Iraq WOW Campaign
Modeled from the cult classic Dogma, the Buddy Bush campaign is in the very early stages of it's campaign. The possibilities are "Buddy Bush", "Buddy Bagdad", and "Buddy Freedom". For each possibility, the Buddy Christ statue from the movie will be altered accordingly. But this will just be one prong of the Iraqi WOW campaign. Also featured will be two stoned liberal stereotypes modeled after the charachters Jay and Silent Bob. The "Jay" charachter's catch phrase will be "I fucking hate America.", while staying on script, the "Silent Bob charachter will simply feature a I (heart) Bin Laden shirt.
Although, many of the movie charachters will be adopted, it seems the idea of a black apostle was unacceptable. Playing the part of "Rufus" will of Donald Rumsfeld.
The Star Wars Campaign
This campaign will seek to explain George Bush's actions as part of the Star Wars project. The angle will be that everything Bush has done was to make the Star Wars movies more believable.
They will have several keyt talking points, just to name a few:
- Without Bush, who would believe the chancellor would be able to trick an entire galaxy into a unpopular war?
- Without Bush, who would believe that a great Democratic body could be converted into a dictatorship by fear?
- Without Bush, who would believe that Annakin Skywalker could say "You're either with me, or you're my enemy."?
- Without Bush's connection to Wall Street, Ohio coin traders, and the oil industry, who would believe that a government would secretly aid a trade federation in illegal activities?
Bush will work to convince America that his actions were allowing us to pursue the American dream of creating the greatest cinema masterpeice of all time.
The Outbreak Campaign
This campaign will work to distract the American public from his failures, as well as promote his homophobic and warmongering agenda. The idea is still pretty vague, but some of the details include:
- A yet to be name disease, carried by some sort of animal
- The animal will be planted by Iran, the disease developed by their germ warfare division
- Intellegence from Gitmo suggests the plan is to be carried out by Iranian intel operatives somewhere in America some time in the next three years.
- Homosexuals will undoubtedly begin to have sex with the animal and spread the disease
- This can only be prevented by militarizing our borders, perhaps with drunk, white, militia men, invading Iran, and a renewed effort to crush the homosexual population.
These are just possibilities that the administration is floating. With so many lies expended, and less than a month before the new propaganda war on the American people, the White House is desperately seeking your ideas. If you have one, please add it below.
Legal:
Monkey image from:
Monkey
Star Wars image from:
Vader
Buddy Christ image from:
Buddy Christ