Capitol Hill- Confirmation hearings for Messianic candidate Jesus of Nazareth continue to center on his lack of a record concerning abortion. The Bush appointee was poised during Senate confirmation hearings but many Senators from both sides of the aisle were displeased with his answers to their questions on the subject.
Conservative stalwart Orrin Hatch (R-Loon) was visibly upset with what he called, "Inscrutable responses", Barbara Boxer (D-CA)was equally upset at the former carpenter turned Rabbi's refusal to be pinned down on the subject, "Render to Ceaser what is Caeaser's unto God what is God's is glib and not a worthy response for an infinite appoinment as the Prince of Peace". Patrick Leahy (D-Cranky) was more blunt in his assesment, "Cryptic bullshit" he scowled through his grim visage, "when asked whether the 14th amendment afforded citizens to a right of privacy he answered with a parable about withered trees bearing bad fruit, Im not even sure what that means."
Barbara Mikulsky (D-Gym Teacher) opined, "Abortion was the single biggest form of birth control during his life and he has never made a statement about it. He talked about adultery, the Sabbath, even washing one's hands before eating but not a single word on abortion. Its as if he didn't have any opinion at all on the subject."
The nomination has been a firestorm of controversy since first announced by the administration in June. Jesus, born in the Israeli occupied town of Bethlehem, has been critcized by members of both parties but most vehemently by the Evangelical Right. The Reverend Pat Robertson has been one of the more vocal conservative critics of the travelling cleric, "He is a socialist and anti government, we should just killed the hippy Jew." FOX News' Bill O'Reilly pointed out that the man simply known as Jesus of Nazareth was "single in his thiries and hangs around with those 12 fisherman, we should look a little more into his background. I still support Barrabus because he is willing to fight for what he believes. Jesus is a little light in the sandles with all that turn the other cheek talk".
Carson Kressley of the Bravo network said simply, "He needs to do something with his hair. He has a lot of damage."
The Bush administration is steadfastly refusing to consider withdrawing the nomination. Said White House Press Seceratary Scott McLelland, "This is the one time when the President actually IS doing god's will, its all terribly ironic actually."