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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Diddly Week continues in honor of the 2004 Diddly Awards (http://www.motherjones.com/news/feature/2004/07/diddly.html), Mother Jones magazine's analysis of the 108th Congress. Today's Diddly is rated R---Kids go home!
The Sometimes-A-Cigar-Is-Just-A-Cigar Cigar:
Rep. Doug Ose (R-Calif.) proposed the Clean Airways Act, which will go down in history as the filthiest bill ever written: "As used in this section, the term 'profane,' used with respect to language, includes the words 'shit,' 'piss,' 'fuck,' 'cunt,' 'asshole,' and the phrases 'cock sucker,' 'mother fucker,' and 'ass hole,' compound use (including hyphenated compounds) of such words and phrases with each other or with other words or phrases, and other grammatical forms of such words and phrases (including verb, adjective, gerund, participle, and infinitive forms)."
This phrasing was apparently necessary because the FCC had just OK'd the word "fucking" when used as an adjective and not as the indecent verb form--which apparently refers to some kind of sexual act that perhaps Rick Santorum can describe in detail to the next female reporter who happens by.
Saaaa...lute!
Cheers and Jeers starts in the Extended Copy section... [Swooosh!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, August 17, 2004
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Republican Convention: 13
Days `til the First Debate: 44
Days 'til General Election: 77
Days `til Kerry's inauguration: 156
U.S. Olympic medals: 13 (3 gold)
http://www.electoral-vote.com/: Kerry 327 Bush 211
CHEERS to smart Mainers not named Bill. On Eric Alterman's blog, Douglas O'Heir from Waterville suggests this yes-or-no question that Kerry should ask of George W. Bush: "A past president (your father) wrote in 1998 in Time Magazine that invading Iraq would be a mistake because we would alienate most of our allies around the world and we would then inherit an enormous security mess in trying to run Iraq as a country. Was your father right, yes or no?" What a great ques...oh, right, we're running a "nice" campaign. [sigh]
JEERS to discrimination. Elderly blacks in Florida are being targeted by Jeb Bush's police thugs as part of some bizarre, unnamed "investigation" (read: "Scare the Voter" campaign): http://www.nytimes.com/2004/08/16/opinion/16herbert.html?hp. And you thought it was impossible to go back in time. Happy 1954!
CHEERS to MoveOn.org. Love `em or hate `em, they've got a pretty good ad up countering Swift Boat Traitors for Bush: http://www.usatoday.com/news/politicselections/2004-08-16-ad-watch_x.htm. C&J would've added one little thing at the end: "Thhhhhhppppt!"
JEERS to treason in the corner office. Droves of National Guard and Reserve troops are coming home to find that their jobs have been downsized or eliminated, benefits reduced, and promotions forgotten. Over 1,200 complaints were filed with the Labor Dept. between October and July. Way to support the troops, boss.
CHEERS to public schools. Guess what? They do better than charter schools. The findings, "...buried in mountains of data the Education Department released without public announcement," are a black eye for Bush's No Child Left Behind agenda: http://www.nytimes.com/2004/08/17/education/17charter.html?hp. But children in public schools are still more likely to eat paste.
CHEERS to Matthew Yglesias. Brilliant essay in the American Prospect shows why Bush's lack of intelligence or decision-making ability has "literally no defenders outside the ranks of professional GOP spinners and the corporate lobbyists who've profited enormously from Bush's malgovernance." (link via Digby: http://www.prospect.org/web/page.ww?section=root&name=ViewPrint&articleId=8343) And you thought Matt's career high was singing `To All the Girls I've Loved Before.'
CHEERS to Albany UniWooooooo!!sity. America's #1 party school maintains its rank at the top for another year, while Brigham Young remains "cold-stone sober": http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/08/16/party.schools.ap/index.html. For the record, C&J went to school in a dry town (Otterbein College---Westerville, Ohio) and studied hard while remaining clean and sober. Ick! Ick!
JEERS to the poor. The richest 20 percent of Americans make 50% of the nation's income (up from 44% in 1973), while the burlap sack crowd gets the scraps: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=533&e=2&u=/ap/20040817/ap_on_re_us/incom
e_gap. George Bush thinks it's deplorable, just deplorable. Now, watch this drive...
JEERS to loaded leadfoots. A Gallup poll--reported in `The Week' magazine---shows that people earning over $75,000 per year are much more likely to speed than those who earn less. "They genuinely believe the laws governing the hoi polloi don't apply to them," says one psychologist. In other understatements, some Americans have a mild distaste for eating slugs.
CHEERS to the cavalry. The Kerry campaign gets a fresh infusion of officers to lead the charge up Kickbushout Hill, including Michael Whouley, the guy who helped salvage Kerry's campaign in Iowa: http://www.usatoday.com/news/politicselections/2004-08-16-kerry-strategists_x.htm. A good omen: none of the others are named Custer.
CHEERS to things that go clank. On this date in 1835, Solyman Merrick of Springfield, MA patented the wrench. And we've been throwing them into the works ever since.
JEERS to being a kid. Horatio Alger Association says over half (55%) of American teens think the Bushies are hell-bent on bringing back the draft. Meanwhile young voters now support John Kerry by a margin of 2-to-1. Nothing like a little fear to wake the kids up, eh?
CHEERS to cellular swooshgong! Is that Sean Hannity in your pocket or are you just happy to see us? Now you can rig your cel phone to ring your favorite Fox News theme: http://www.midiringtones.com/ringtones/foxnews.aspx?aid=219. I notice that they don't use the notes F and B much. Hmm.
Ch...Ch...CHEERS to B...B...Bill O'Reilly. Gads, that was tough. But here's more proof of why he's only despicable when he's not being sensible: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/story/222652p-191113c.html. S'cuse me...I need to go wash my mouth out with soap for saying that.
Floor's open. What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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