A warning to those of you who are still human: the pod people are among us.
Let me just start by saying I live in Texas. But I am not a Texan (or at least what passes for a Texan in these grim days). If I think back just a few years, Texans used to be independent rascals who thought their own thoughts and wouldn't toe the line for any carpetbagging Yalie imposter who put on cowboy boots and adopted a twang. Think Willie Nelson. Think Ann Richards. Eisenhower, LBJ - Texans who you may love or hate, but they belonged to no one but themselves.
But something must have happened in the last decade or so, and damned if I know what it is. But here's my best guess: In the back cargo compartment of large, American SUVs (particularly the Yukon XL, Excursion and Hummer H2), aliens have inserted some kind of cloning pod that sends evil tendrils down the throats of formerly independent-minded Texans and turns them into the most self-absorbed, self-righteous ignoramuses I have seen anywhere. Or maybe it's not aliens - maybe it's Karl Rove. Whatever. These are the same people that cover the backs of their SUVs with stickers proclaiming their children's names and mediocre accomplishments while voting for policies that surely lead to their kids' financial ruin and most likely lead to precious Tyler's forced tour of Syria sometime around 2017. That's alongside their ubiquitous "W" sticker. They can't they see past their blindered, minimal understanding of Jesus and his message of a free car sweepstakes for those who attend next Sunday's megachurch service.
If you don't live here, you don't know the dark side of America. Maybe you live somewhere where it's just taken for granted that the Chimperor has no clothes. Not in Texas. Here, he's a visionary leader of uncompromising strength and courage. No matter that there's no evidence linking Saddam and 9/11. The Pod People don't make decisions based on evidence - it's all about what you believe. "Saddam swarthy. Must die." Start with the premise and discard any evidence that refutes it. Is that how most human beings are wired? Or did the Pod mothership sow its seeds of destruction over Texas sometime in the early `90s?
If you're in Texas, I beg you: get the facts, then draw a conclusion (and for your children's sake, could you just downsize to a 4Runner?) If you're not, please understand that we haven't all deep-throated a pod tendril down here. Just the vast, overwhelming majority.