Here I sit, alone, in the dark afraid to come out because I know she will be there, waiting, wanting to confuse me, telling me she knows how I should live my life. I'm so tired of waiting. I'm so tired of talking. Every time we do this "argument thing" she makes me feel like it's my fault. Then there is the whole other problem of the other woman. Not exactly what I would call a "catch" by any means, but it has to be better than this. And here I sit in the dark, trying to decide whom I will ask to marry me this fall.
Given the fact that both families have relatives wacky enough to start my own asylum doesn't make it any easier to choose between the two. I'm so confused and tired. Why can't I just go about my life? I so miss being oblivious to the problems of relationships, but I made myself a promise to get involved. I even, for the first time in my life, decided to register for this wedding so I could participate. Boy what was I thinking? Now everyone in the world knows I am looking for a bride. I don't think I have seen so many fake smiles and shook so many hands in my life. But alas I only have two choices. I know if I come out of this basement she will want to talk to me about "my fears" and only make it worse. She is always telling me about why I should be afraid. This could happen, that could happen, you need to be prepared for the worst, everyone is out to get me and my personal favorite, if I am not afraid then I only help the people that want to cause me harm. What the hell does that mean anyways?
Then there is the other woman. She is so forgiving and open. She is constantly telling me how things will be better. She knows how to make things right in the world. It's unfair that I am treated so poorly these days. As matter of fact she says quite a bit about my future, but I never hear anything specific. I know she tells me things will get better, but I never understand which things she is talking about or how it's going to get better. That aside it has to be better to hope she knows what she is talking about instead of constantly looking over my shoulder waiting to die, become bankrupt or attacked by strangers.
So here I sit in the dark holding this ring. I'm not even sure if I walk upstairs she would even accept this ring. It's not all that expensive and she has such decadent taste. You should see all the expensive bobbles she has. I remember once I wanted to take her out to dinner and she told me that it would cost me 5,000.00 a plate just to be seen with her in public. I mean come on "are you serious?" I said. Then she went into some diatribe about needing the money for cosmetic surgery or something to do with mass appeal and public perception, hell I don't know. Come to think of it most of her family is "well off" if you know what I mean. She said most of it came from a distant cousin Jack Aber something-er-rather. She claims not to know much about him, but I guess he feels close to her.
Then we have the other woman. Her immediate family isn't as rich, but they are pretty well off. She mentioned something about her father owning a rare Cuban cigar collection and her mother wants to open a dry-cleaning service or something along those lines. Some of her distant relatives are bonus rich though. I think they come from old money. Since the family is mostly women there is a lot of shopping and the few men left just drink and do drugs to dull the pain.
I have offered to drive us to the other side of town for dinner once or twice, but she prefers to keep it simple and just walk to a local bistro. Something about fumes, heat melting ice and the end of the world. To be honest she looses me most of the time she gets up in arms about things. She is a very passionate woman, but what she is passionate about???? Ya got me there. I know it's important to her, but she is all over the place when it comes to explaining it to me. It's very hard to follow sometimes.
So here I sit in the dark with a ring drinking my favorite beer. I only have a few swigs left and then I have to go upstairs to get another one. That is one nice thing about her; she always keeps the fridge stocked with ice-cold import beer. She says she doesn't like the imports, but I know different. She gets a great price on it down the road at her uncle's liquor store. Somehow he gets it into the country illegally and makes a killing on the profits. I understand he is breaking the law and taking advantage of less fortunate people that smuggle it over, but I don't care as long as it is cold. Don't I have enough stuff to worry about without having to worrying about immigration standards and the laws surrounding them?
Now the other woman has a hissy-fit every time I order an import. "Why do you buy that expensive stuff? Isn't local beer just as good at half the cost?" I had to explain to her that a few years ago I might have agreed, but seeing as I have developed a taste, or hell call it a dependency on the import stuff, the local beer just doesn't have the appeal it once did. Then she starts in with the local workers are closing their shops because no one supports them and the mom and pop stores can't compete blah....blah....blah. Funny thing is I never see her talking to these shop owners. She is a smart gal and I bet she could help them get a better product on the shelves, but I guess she tends to be more of a bigger picture kind of gal. You know don't sweat the details.
So here I sit in the dark with a ring and an empty bottle of beer. The wedding date has been set. I have 1 month to decide to whom should I give this ring. Then I only have 4 months before November rolls around and I walk down that isle and commit to my decision. Boy what to do Republican or Democrat. I hate being stuck in the dark.