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From THE GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Everybody sing with me: "The HILLS are a-LIVE...with the lies of Dub-Yaaaa..." It just sounds right, doesn't it?
Today's edition of Cheers and Jeers is more Pulitzer-worthy than usual, but first some odds 'n ends. Poll results from yesterday: CNN is aiding and abetting terrorists, say 90 percent of Kos (rhymes with melbatoast) readers. Their ridiculous poll ("Did the results of the Spanish elections aid terrorists?") prompted gales of convulsive laughter in the caves along the Afghan/Pakistan border, I'm sure. Media boobs. But wait'll you get a load of TODAY's poll!
And a correction from yesterday. Election Day is November 2nd, not November 9th. I want Nader to be the spoiler, not me. Cheers and Jeers regrets the error. The writer will be forced to watch 5 minutes of 'Cat in the Hat' (out on DVD today) as punishment. Cheers and Jeers starts in the Exrended Copy Section...RIGHTNOW!
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, March 16, 2004
CHEERS to clear-headed Americans. USA Today poll finds 60% dissatisfied with "the way things are going in the United States at this time." Yet another sign that 2004 is shaping up as repeat of 1992. Bar' must be wringing her wrinkly little hands to the bone---she's buying Jergens® by the case.
JEERS to government incompetence. General Accounting Office says our brave, freedom-preserving soldiers are getting shit on, often going months without pay and enduring other compensation SNAFUs. National Guard is getting screwed the worst. But no need for panic---the top brass is getting paid on time and in full.
CHEERS to egg on face. Yesterday's White House: "Kerry's lying! Which `foreign' leaders want him to win the election?! Tell us now! This is an outrage!" Today's White House: "Oh, the reporter screwed up? Kerry actually said `more' leaders? Well...hmph...he's still, y'know...snort...he's still Mr. Poopy Democrat Man."
JEERS to blatant taxpayer-funded propaganda. Bush administration is sending out tapes of fake `news reports' touting new Medicare plan---with paid actress posing as "Reporter Karen Ryan"---to TV news departments. New York Times calls it "Orwellian;" I call it business as usual. But this scandal may have legs. Film at 11.
CHEERS to http://gadflyer.com/. New progressive internet magazine is tough, well-written, and easy to navigate. This one's a no-brainer---add it to your Favorites list.
CHEERS to the God Squad. Since "Passion of the Christ," church attendance is way up. But give it a few weeks. Just like after 9/11 spike, the faithful will again prefer brunch over the Bible. Pass the brie.
JEERS to the ghost of Redenbacher. Jury awards $20 million to factor worker whose lungs were destroyed by butter-flavoring used in microwave popcorn (brand not specified). 29 others suffer from "Popcorn Packer's Lung." I always liked nachos. Nachos are good.
JEERS to idiot copy editors. L.A. Times music critic pens review of Strauss opera, calling it "pro-life"---as in "life-affirming." Idiot editor, blindly following paper policy not to use "pro-life" (it might offend readers' delicate sensibilities) changes phrase to "anti-abortion." Punishment for idiot editor: Season tickets to the opera.
CHEERS to the wisdom of Hal Sparks (Michael on `Queer as Folk'). From `Advocate' interview: "You cannot try to win everybody to your side. Don't bother, because they're not the cool guys and this is not high school. The fundamentalist Christians and the Catholic church and the Republicans and the Bob Jones University assholes and the Fox media guys, they're no fun to hang around with. They're mean, and you can't have a normal conversation with them. So why bother?"
JEERS to idiot movies. `Cat in the Hat' comes out on DVD today. Mike Myers should have to share a cell with Martha for this one.
CHEERS to Al Franken. Courtesy of Mother Jones via Atrios blog: My wife said to me before I left, "You don't see Bill O'Reilly doing a USO Tour." "That's not fair, honey. O'Reilly has no talent."
CHEERS to mercury upticks. Here in southern Maine, we've finally come to the point where snowfall (even the 8-12 inches predicted for tonight) is guaranteed not to stick around for long. My favorite time of year. Daffodils rising in your neck of the woods yet?
So...what are you cheering and jeering about today?