The origins of Halloween are long forgotten in the mists of the harvest festivals of pre-Christian Europe. But though we may not know exactly when or where the first Halloween was celebrated, we can rest assured: two guys named Dave, a coonhound, and a whole lotta beer were involved.
It's good to see the old traditions are still being upheld.
As if that weren't scary enough for one day, October 31st is also the day Martin Luther is believed to have posted his 95 Theses. Through that single act came decades of sectarian strife, bitter cultural divisions that linger to this day, and Davey and Goliath.
And if that doesn't put a fright wig on yer head, October 31st is also the 29th birthday (plus a couple) of our favorite dirty hippie: Cosmic Debris. Whomps are fine, but if she asks for "birthday tickles," run.
Cheers and Jeers Halloween Spooktacular begins--fing finga!--right now!! (Thud.b)
Note: When your wife says she heard something that sounded like a sneeze and a thud downstairs, you want to check it out. Definitely, check it out.
In honor of Doc Abisher, who is unable to post today due to moving, your Bad Joke of the Day:
Once upon a time, there were two ogres, one big and one small. Let's call them, oh, Dick and Scooter.
Well, Dick and Scooter used to like to go out each Halloween and beat up the local kids and steal their candy. It was a sure-fire system, and it got them a lot of candy. They'd grab the bags, take them back to their ogre-cave, and divide the candy up between them.
The only problem, at least from Scooter's perspective, was that they didn't split the candy evenly. Dick, as the big ogre, took the lion's share, meaning whatever he could gobble up. Scooter was left to pick up such scraps as he could find.
After many years of this, Scooter finally got tired. And so, one Halloween, he quietly slipped out a lollipop they'd taken from a little blond girl named Valerie, broke it in half, and started eating it.
Dick was very good at being an ogre. Not much got past him. He noticed right away what Scooter had done.
So he picked up his ogre-club and whacked Scooter so hard they found his snot in China. Then he picked up both halves of the lollipop and ate them himself.
Moral of the story: never give a sucker an even break. Especially not in this White House.
If that's not enough to scare you, Mr. Libby, consider this image of your former colleagues' reaction to Patrick Fitzgerald. Have fun, kids! And don't forget: last one in gets twenty-to-life!!
By The Numbers:
User IDs created on Street Prophets: 1903
Diaries allowed, per day: 2
Hidden comments: 1
Hits so far: 99,149
Day on which hits should cross 100,000: 10/31/2005
Far-right Christians who will take that as a sign we're in league with the devil: at least a few...
Those who will think that when they see tonight's pagan sabbat: at least a few2
Number of dKos users who should also hang out at Street Prophets: all of 'em. (Well, most of 'em, anyway...)
Your cute puppy pic for the day: can't you just feel the eeevil?
(n.b.: The following statements have been rendered inoperative. However, they're just too damn good to throw out.) Treats! to sheep dressed in wolves' clothes. According to the NYT, there's a new legal theory called "super-precedents" that might hold back intellectually honest conservative justices from overturning Roe v. Wade by appealing to their "strict constructionist" side. Even better, one of the theory's leading champions is J. Michael Luttig, who just happens to be a leading candidate for Sandra Day O'Connor's seat, and he's loved by some of the wingier elements. That leaves open the possibility that we could be in for another bruising (for Republicans) nomination fight that still might not get them what they want. Keep this man away from Harriet Miers, especially when she's holding a pair of scissors. This is like not having any kids show up and getting to eat the whole bowl of candy yourself. (But Mrs. Pastor still has to share with me.)
Pee Ess: Treats! to Arlen Specter, who's a fan of the theory, especially since he likes to talk about "super-duper-precedents."
Pee Pee Ess: Treats! to Jeffrey Rosen, who managed to get the word "ramified" into an article on a dry-as-dust subject. w00t!
Tricks! to the new boss, same as the old boss--especially when he's dressed up in a Michael Myers hockey mask. Whoops, sorry--that really is his face.
It's quite a novel concept for the Bushies, actually: appoint someone with a long, well-known track record, and expect the Senate to vote on his merits. Very nice, very nice.
Very, very nice.
He goes down. Harry, Teddy: you know what to do. Go Hanson Brothers on his ass. And just in case any senators from certain small, Eastern Seaboard states are thinking of jumping ship on this one: do it and we'll use your balls for hockey pucks.
Treats! to tricks: Democratic leaders are calling for Karl Rove's head on a stick. We recommend giving him a wedgie too, just for good measure.
Treats! to normal people in clerical garb. Seems the Metropolitan Community Church, the so-called "gay denomination," is installing a new leader. In her honor, they renamed an HIV ministry initiative "Focus on the Human Family." They withdrew the name after attracting some unwanted attention from certain Colorado Springs-based lawyers, but not before tweaking James Dobson's nosehairs and getting themselves some nifty attention in the bargain. So where did you get that nifty chausable, anyway?
Tricks! to monsters masquerading as humans:
ALISO VIEJO, Calif. - A 19-year-old in a black cape and a paintball mask went on a shooting rampage Saturday in his upscale Southern California neighborhood, killing a man and his daughter before committing suicide, authorities said.
All jokes about Darth Cheney just officially went off the table.
Tricks! to monsters masquerading as humans, part II: Michelle Malkin has been using the suicide of a troubled engineering student to take (erroneous) potshots at "political correctness" in the media. And her we thought she looked so life-like. Dave Neiwert peels back the skinmask to reveal the weird, lizardish alien beneath here.
Treats! to bon-bons that turn out to be so much more. Dresden's Frauenkirche has been re-consecrated, more than 60 years after it was reduced to rubble in an Allied fire-bomb raid. Kurt Vonnegut survived that raid and wrote about it in Slaughterhouse Five. Do the old man a favor and go look at the pictures. Even a humanist like him would smile to see the beauty inside.
Tricks! to the Undead: the Bush administration is looking for ways to "bounce back" from its woes:
Some are calling for bold strokes -- a broad new agenda, a purging of the president's tired and perhaps overly insular and loyal staff -- to jolt the White House past its troubles.
Oh, goody. Perhaps we'll be treated to blood up to our ankles in the streets of D.C. for a change. Anybody need a change of underwear after reading that? How about a silver bullet?
A rock for Dick Cheney. A must-read quote:
"America has lost its capacity for being indignant," Dr. Bassiouni summed up. "Where has our capacity for indignation gone? When a nation loses its respect for the Constitution and its treaties, what is next? And leaving even that aside, the next American serviceman who is being tortured -- and we can't go to his rescue -- will show us exactly what we have done."
Use it to replace your heart, Sir. It'll do you more good.
Tricks! to the Pope's car. No, not the Popemobile--John Paul II's 1975 Ford Escort, which recently sold at auction for $690,000, despite having no hubcaps, radio, or air-conditioning. And no, I don't hold it against the Texan Baptist who bought it for his private collection. I'm just mad that he wouldn't give me a dime over $20 for my 2000 Ford Focus. It's got hubcaps!
Treats! to cake, of the beef variety. A new study says that handsome men do better in elections, all things considered. How they controlled for outside variables, I have no idea. And no, Bill, we cannot run Benjamin Bratt for President. Not until Denzel gets his turn.
Tricks! to wingnuts who don't like Halloween. Via the inimitable Pam, I give you the Bride of Dobbinstein:
Halloween marks and highlights the forces of darkness. It's a showcase for mediums, fortune-telling, occult beliefs, to become more and more mysteriously appealing to uninformed children, all whilst they are surrounded in today's America by the lure of "magick." We're not in Kansas anymore. It's 21st-century America, where Christian parents lovingly hand their kids novels where the child hero is tutored in witchcraft. Hello?
Personally, we think the above analysis is a bit whack. On the other hand, she may have a certain point. Warning: pictures not work-safe, and may have a tendency to induce coffee-spewing. Use only in case of dire emergency, such as needing to pee, and never, ever ask the pastor how he comes to be in possession of such a link.c
Still, on the whole, we'll take this perspective, found via YudelLine:
In modern times, the celebration [of Halloween] revolves around costumes and trick-or-treating. As the vast majority of Americans experience Halloween today, there is no connection with Catholic saints and no worship of the dead (unless you are a Wiccan or a "neopagan" and your religion prescribes it).
In America, Halloween is a holiday for children and neighborhoods. It comes at a time when the days are getting shorter, the nights longer, and hence our fears of the dark are challenged. Halloween has become a time to banish fears of darkness and death. The message of Halloween has become a message about community, charity, and giving.
Treats! to tricks, part II. No, not the Democratic mayor of St. Paul endorsing W. in last year's election. That only earns him the right to wear this year's Rat Bastard costume. I'm talking about the people of St. Paul getting ready to turn him out, 61 to 28 percent. Remember, all you Minnesotan kids! St. Paul doesn't take kindly to people who wear DINO outfits...
If only he'd been more handsome.
...
Nah.
And just one more: Treats! to anyone who clicks here, looking for Halloween cookies. 'Cuz, dammit, we're getting to 100,000 one way or another today...