From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
SPECIAL OFFER! 12 Meds For Just One Penny!
Music and DVD mail-order giant Columbia House is offering a new direct-mail subscription drug program for the estimated 10 million senior citizens who have not yet signed up for the government's Medicare prescription medication plan.
"This is the best way to enjoy all the top medications by today's pharmaceutical superstars at a low, low price," said Columbia House spokeswoman Sandra Farrell. "There's no more waiting in line for the latest releases at the pharmacy, and because Columbia House sells directly to the consumer, you can kiss Dr. Middleman goodbye."
The Columbia House program, which was launched in January, offers a wide array of AARP chart-toppers and many popular prescriptions from the past through its supplementary color catalogue conveniently found in more than 400 Sunday newspapers nationwide. Qualified seniors may choose either 12 generic drugs for one cent, or five brand-name medications for 49 cents each, plus shipping and handling. Members are then obligated to buy five more brand-name medications over two years at their regular price, ranging from $12.99 to $549.99.
Under the Columbia House program, members are free to cancel and go off their medication at any time after fulfilling their obligation...
"I'm in a lot of pain, so I chose the generic painkillers," said Art Gallagher, 69, of Colorado Springs, CO, a recent enrollee who has been on pain relievers since his stomach surgery three months ago. "I'm not always thrilled with the limited selection--they don't have Vicodin, and I already have plenty of Percocet. But they do have a pretty good selection, as long as you're not too picky about some of the fancy extras, like extended side-effects or warning liner notes."
Columbia House also plans to offer a free compilation of rare imports to customers in good standing.
---The Onion
The private sector rides to the rescue again. God bless us all. Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Note: Due to a shortage of Legos, the height of the new C&J mega office tower complex has been reduced from 1,590 feet to 3 (including 2½-foot antenna).
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By the Numbers:
Days `til the YearlyKos convention in Las Vegas June 8-11: 9
Days `til the longest day of the year: 22
Chance that an unprotected PC will become infected with a virus within an hour of being on the internet: 90%
Weeks in advance al Qaeda members (according to captured documents) must request vacation time: 10
(Source for the above two items: Harper's Index)
Hours it took for two large geranium baskets hung from a tree outside our home Sunday afternoon to be stolen: Less than 8
Number of letters in "Shall I push the geranium basket detonator button now?": 45
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Your Puppy Pic of the Day: "Take me home, Trigger. I'm wasted..."
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CHEERS to the Boy Wonder's latest blunder. Oops---a newly-discovered fundraising letter written by conservative Christian darling Ralph Reed urges voters to help block passage of legislation that would put a stop to slave-labor conditions imposed on workers in the
Northern Marianas Islands. Reed is running for Lt. Governor in Georgia. At this rate he'll be lucky to eke out a win as assistant meter maid. (Lord knows he'd look fabo in a skirt.)
JEERS to the man behind the curtain. More proof that Dick Cheney is really pulling the strings in the White House. Turns out his office is the catalyst behind those hundreds of "signing statements" that "President" Bush adds to bills, thus effectively neutering laws passed by congress. I suspected something was up when I read signing statement #234: When I the Vice President shoots somebody, it's okay and everyone just get off my his back. Touchy.
CHEERS to the Ol' Marblebutt. In 1922, the Lincoln Memorial was dedicated in Washington. Honest Abe weighs an astonishing 120 tons. It'd be a lot less if you tourists would quit feeding him chili dogs.
JEERS to a lovely afternoon spoiled. In Afghanistan, mayhem, anger and death yesterday as rioters took aim at foreigners. Seems one of our military cargo trucks careened out of control, plowed into a bunch of tin cans that pass for cars there, and killed 5 people. Probably not a good time to discuss the finer points of no-fault insurance, huh.
CHEERS to real leadership. A new biography of "First American Action Hero" George Washington's wartime service aired last night on The History Channel. Like our current president, he made some bad mistakes early on. Unlike our current president, he learned from them.
CHEERS to fresh ink. On this date in 1783, the Pennsylvania Evening Post, first published by Benjamin Towne in Philadelphia, PA this day, was the first daily paper in the U.S. Coincidentally, it's also the first anniversary of the inaugural "hint" from Heloise (and to this day we still use sprigs of lavendar to deodorize Ye Olde Chamberpot).
BLECCH to hypocrisy glands. They're just one part of the doctor-confounding Anatomy of a Republican. Gotta say one thing about that Greedius Maximus, though---Mmmm, cute.
JEERS to seein' toothpicks in them thar trees. Five years ago---before his true colors had fully emerged---President Bush stood among the trees in Sequoia National Park in California, and pledged to protect "these works of God" and other natural treasures from mankind. Today, of course, we know he was really just scoutin' a new location to clear brush.
CHEERS to driving Miss Elsie. Looks like American ingenuity has discovered a way to reduce our dependency on oil: methane from cow dung. Researchers say it could be a great alternative for folks in rural areas. Just one little problem, though: the cow has to ride with you.
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One Year Ago in C&J: May 30, 2005:
JEERS to the President of Pabulum. George W. Bush took advantage of a solemn Memorial Day ceremony at Arlington National cemetery to proclaim that the invasion of Iraq was, and is, all about payback for the attacks on 9/11. Which explains why, instead of Taps, the bugler played Fleetwood Mac's "Little Lies."
CHEERS (I guess?) to keeping Old Europe...old. French voters, tossing a wrench into the European Union's plans to take over the world, voted `Non!' on the 40,000-word European Union Constitution. I don't pretend to understand the 40-thousand-word document, but I will say this: if you can't write it on the back of a cocktail napkin, it's probably too complicated.
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And just one more...
CHEERS to the religious right's worst nightmare. My partner, Michael, and I celebrate 13 years together today. So far we've received roses from Jerry Falwell and Rick Santorum. But...why are all the blooms missing?
Floor's open...what are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless Testimonial:
"The story of Bill in Portland Maine is an incredibly epic story..."
---Dolores Gavin
The History Channel