In case of Rendition, this diary will be EMPTY
Fri Sep 29, 2006 at 03:21:55 PM PDT
So now that Congress has told President Bush that he has
carte blanche to Disappear people off the streets of America, let's get practical for a minute here, shall we?
What happens when they come for you? How does your family carry on? Who's gonna know what happened to you? What's to become of all your Stuff, f'cryin' out loud?
How are you preparing for The Republican Rapture, when only the sheep will be Left Behind?
(Also available at My Left Wing)
I've been thinking about this since yesterday afternoon. I'm drafting a note to my wife for when I get Disappeared, to go with the other one she already has: To Be Opened Only If Something Bad Happens When I'm Rock Climbing.
The envelope for this one says: In Case I Don't Show Up For Dinner One Night.
Heh. You didn't know it, but all this time, the Republicans have been ginning up their own version of The Rapture - only this time, When the Rapture Comes, They get all Our stuff. You know: gold fillings, priceless artworks, skin for lampshades - stuff like that.
(And of course, it wouldn't be a Republican bill without some huge payoff to Big Business. In this case, think of all of your money the insurance companies get to use for those seven years your spouse has to wait after your Disappearance before collecting on your life insurance . . . )
How do you pack for a Disappearance? What do you bring? I mean, do the normal rules apply? Like, I wonder if the CIA will let you bring your own bottle of Evian on a flight to Romania? You can tell 'em, "Hey, guys, any water I don't drink you can use later for - well, you know." (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)
Man, it was so much easier back in the Old Country when there were no overhead carry-on bins, no metal detectors, no shoe bombers, no cheesy inflight movies - you know:
Travel by rail, baby!
And you thought Southwest was no-frills? Hah! on Rendition Airlines, the "Fasten Seat Belt" sign never goes off, so you're never free to move about the cabin. Forget about getting up to go to the bathroom - you'll sit in your own excrement, and you'll LIKE IT! Smoking is allowed, though - but not for you; only for your hosts, who will use the back of your hand, or maybe your eyeball, to grind out their smokes. You can't complain about the food: you won't get any, on account of they can't feed you through that hood you'll be wearing.
But Disappearing people might not work so easy for everybody, heh. My wife, for instance - if these guys even think they're just gonna snatch her up and get her on a plane to Bucharest, have they got another thing coming! I mean, she takes, like, a week and a half to pack for an overnight! And even at that, she brings three bags! I can't even imagine her wigging out on them when they tell her she might not be coming back, ever: "How'm I s'posed to get my Radko's in that little Ziploc?!!"
Yeah, the logistics could prove daunting. So maybe I'm worrying over nothing. Maybe all of this "President-as-Dictator" hoopla is just a lotta hooey. Maybe nobody will get Disappeared.
Riiiiight.
But just in case I turn up missing some night, I'll show you where you can start looking for me:
(Hint: Think, eastern Poland. "Arbeit macht Frei.")
