This is a true story that I wrote to the new Democrat at the head of the committee in the house that will look into Don't Ask Don't Tell (DADT) the military's ban on gays openly serving in the military. He reportedly supports the ban as it is. I wrote this letter and it is intensely personal, but I decided that it was time to share it. I cannot stand by and blame the ban on Republicans. I plan on contacting queer activists in Missouri to start a letter writing campaign targeting this representative. Everything has gone beyond bothering me. All I can do now in this world is fight, and fight... continuing until only God knows when..
Dear Democrat Ike Skelton of Missouri,
I want to congratulate you sir on your new position as Committee Chairman of the Oversight and Investigations committee. Nothing comforts me more than knowing that the Congress of our great nation is in the hands of Democrats. While the public must always be watchful and vigilant of anyone in power, I have faith in members of the Democratic Party truly representing their constituents in the best way that they can. I’m writing to you today with a heavy heart however, because reading about your support of the military’s Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy on mydd.com reminded me of why I remain single today.
The man I loved was recruited to join the marines. My first thought was pride, since it would be a pathway to an education that he wouldn’t have been able to pay for otherwise. My pride quickly devolved into fear, as the headlines loomed ever more gloomily from Iraq in those now quaint days of 2004 (how far down the bloody path we have come). I feared losing him to the hell that has become a misguided and unnecessary war, but most of all, I feared never being able to share my grief if such a thing were to happen.
I would never be comforted by my partner’s family if anything were to happen to him. I would never hear the dreadful knock on the door informing me of my partner’s death, which though it would seem like a relief not hearing that knock, would only make me feel more invisible by not being informed. Every word in every letter that I would send out to him would have to be heavily censored, for fear of having the letter fall into the wrong hands. My picture would never be placed underneath his pillow or taped above his bed to gaze at as he dozes off. He’d essentially be dead to me even if he survived Iraq.
I cried that night thinking of how the one I loved would never be able to openly serve. I was filled with fear, and my weakness overcame me. Before his status as an official military recruit could be approved, I left him. His joining the military was not the reason. I just would never have been able to handle being designated as his "friend" for the months that he spent in service. The bonds of friendship that he would form over that time in the military would be formed without those people in his group knowing that he has someone waiting for him at home. He’d never be able to "invite friends over" for a reflection of their service without the question being brought up of why he was living with another man with only one bedroom.
Granted, I may have thought too far ahead. We were only in high school when this happened, and I may have been a tad bit stricken by the first-love feeling of it all. But first-loves should end because the feelings go away, not because someone fears that they will have to go back in the closet and hide a strong bond of love because of a ban on gay soldiers. In retrospect, I cannot say that if the ban didn’t exist I would still be with my former partner today. I’m almost certain that I wouldn’t, but I cannot say definitely what would have happened, I simply was not given the chance.
I recently met my former lover on a trip back home, where I was saddened to see him in a low-end job, without being enrolled in college. The military would have paid for his college. I may disagree with the war, but I know that the service opens up doors for poor citizens that our country has left to financially fend for themselves. To see someone of the opposing party support this ban is one thing, but to see someone that I honor and respect as a fellow member of the great Democratic family support the ban, it pains my heart to no end. I must plead with you, in a time where 80% of the public and 60% of soldiers support an end to the ban, you cannot separate me from my partner, or the thousands of other current or former couples who have had to suffer greatly from this pointless ban.
I see my tax dollars wasted as hundreds of millions of dollars are wasted keeping a ban that was never right. I may not live in your district, or even your state, but your leadership in your new position as Committee Chairman of the Oversight and Investigations committee will affect the entire nation. In such a position as powerful as yours, I can only plead with what little power I have. I am only one vote personally, but for every minute you support this ban, a same-sex family and their loved ones learn exactly who is prolonging their suffering. Representative, I beg of you, end this ban now.
With utmost respect and gratitude,
Kevin Ballie
Author's Note: My name is Kevin Ballie, a student at American University (AU). I happen to work at the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender and Ally (GLBTA) Resource Center at AU. My area of activism centers particularly around GLBT activism. My goal is to write diaries on DailyKos as a regular update concerning issues facing the GLBT community. I sincerely hope to gain a readership base of committed GLBT activists and our supporters. Such a base will only enhance DailyKos and provoke greater thought. Just as a note, I may use terms like gay, lesbian,bisexual transgender (GLBT) or queer (a substitute for GLBT).