twenty-three randomly picked songs provide an on-going rebuttal to Bush's 2007 State of the Union Address
In order to watch the State of the Union Address without waking the baby, I put Bush on Closed Caption and picked up my iPod. Putting it on "shuffle" (or so I thought), the thing started editorializing on Bush's speech by picking frightingly apropos titles. It was hard enough keeping notes on Bush's blather, not to mention not yelling at the Tee-Vee, without my evil little freedom-hating liberal iPod singing mockingly along.
So I jotted down the songlist, reproduced here for your enjoyment (yes, both of you!).
Congresscritters and other DC fauna are trickling in as the fish-eye lens pans around the House chamber, which begins to give me vertigo. iPod gives me:
- Hocus Pocus - Focus
If you don't have this song, precede immediately to iTunes and spend a buck on it. No, it's ok, I'll wait right here. It's the perfect anticipation for a goofy event where someone's going to wind up yodeling, and if you're here you know that Bush didn't disappoint.
Bush enters. iPod plays:
- Frankenstein - Edgar Winter Group
No, I'm not making this up. But wait, I haven't gotten to anything with lyrics yet! Bush is still walking around shaking people's hands and I get:
- I'm Only Sleeping - The Beatles
When I wake up early in the morning,
Lift my head, I'm still yawning
When I'm in the middle of a dream
Stay in bed, float up stream
Please don't wake me, no
don't shake me
Leave me where I am
I'm only sleeping
Everybody seems to think I'm lazy
I don't mind, I think they're crazy
Running everywhere at such a speed
Till they find, there's no need
Please don't spoil my day
I'm miles away
And after all
I'm only sleeping
I hadn't occurred to me that the SOTU might have interrupted Bush's nap schedule, until my damned terrorist-loving iPod pointed it out to me. Thanks for helping the enemy, Apple. Maybe we should rename your little company تفاحة, شجرة التفاح
Bush surveys the ruins of his presidency from the podium and begins to speak, but my iPod interrupts with:
- It Won't Be Long Lyrics - The Beatles
[OK, check iPod ... just as I though: "shuffle" not set properly]
Ev'ry night when ev'rybody has fun,
Here am I sitting all on my own,
It won't be long yeh, yeh,
It won't be long yeh, yeh,
It won't be long yeh, yeh,
Till I belong to you.
OK, first really random song.
- Bethlehem - Kitka
I think it's in Hungarian, which at any rate helps me focus on what Bush is saying. He congratulates "the new Democrat majority," which is like saying "congratulations, fuckwad." Yeah, I bet he'll be pissed about November for the rest of his life.
Bush begins with the usual glittering generalities that infest SOTU's. Taking its cues from al Qaeda, my iPod launches into:
- Now I'm Here - Queen
Here I stand (here I stand..)
Look around around around around
(around around around around..)
But you wont see me (you wont see me..)
Now I'm here (now I'm here..)
Now I'm there (now I'm there..)
I'm just a just a new man
Yes you made me live again
A baby I was when you took my hand
And the light of the night burned bright
And the people all stared didnt understand
But you knew my name on sight
Whatever came of you and me?
America's new bride to be
Dont worry baby I'm safe and sound
Down in the dungeon just peaches and me
Don't I love her so?
Yes she made me live again
I don't know if the Hague has a dungeon, and I think George calls her "pickles," not "peaches," but that sounds about right.
Bush is talking about ending earmarks. Heh. He's talking about protecting Social Security, the thing he tried to kill, and No Child Left Behind, which was supposed to be a success even before it began. The camera pans around the room with its fish-eye lens and I grip the couch cushions so as not to fly off into space. It's at this point that I notice how many empty seats there are, and I don't mean mezzanine, I mean orchestra level. Isn't this supposed to be a joint session?
Pickles is leering like Lucifer the Cylon and everyone wearing the same shade of lavender/purple, Cheney's tie, the tie on NBC's anchor, several women's dresses. I guess purple fingers are out now that Ahmadinehad was seen sporting one, but truth be told the proceedings would have been better served by a Bush impersonator with a brown thumb.
Bush is saying "A future of hope and opportunity requires that all our citizens have affordable and available health care," which I guess is funny if you have an extraodinarily black sense of humor, my iPod starts in with:
- Mary - Supergrass
I get the feeling you're not ordinary
I got a head like falling masonary
I'll cut your strings, ah yes, a puppet machine
I watch you drop and fall apart at the seams
I meant to get you, let there be no doubt
You wanna try and get your teeth knocked out
I'm gonna push you further into my dream
The back of every head holds something obscene
Indeed. What can Bush possibly be thinking when he says that "the best health care decisions are made not by government and insurance companies, but by patients and their doctors"? Is he selling the anti-abortionists down the river?
Bush talks about cutting oil consumption and funding alternative fuels, and Cheney looks like he's choking. Seriously, roll the tape, call Crooks and Liars or something. Cheney looked like he had to swallow something really foul and wasn't sure if he was going to puke.
Pelosi gives the line a standing ovation as my iPod snarkily selects:
- Main Offender - The Hives
I'm on my way. Can't settle down.
I'm stuck in ways of being an ass
and I got a lot of nerve that I'm ready to pass.
I'm on my way.
Can't settle down.
I'm stuck in ways of sadistic joy
and my talent only goes as far as to annoy.
I'm on my way. This is my main offender.
This is what I've got and it got me saying - Why me?
I'm on my way. I get around.
But I'm not all too sure about what I do.
I feel I've got to stop a second just to think it thru.
And so I stop! I'm on my way.
Yeah I get around.
Yeah I thought it all over and now I spit it out
and when I spit, I spit on those that I care less about I'm on my way.
This is my main offender.
This is what I've got and it got me saying - Why me?
Why Bush? I've been asking that question since 1999 and there's still no satisfying answer. Bush is talking about making it easier for employers to confirm the nationality of the workers they're exploiting, which bring me to:
- Fat Man - Jethro Tull
Don't want to be a fat man,
people would think that I was
just good fun.
Would rather be a thin man,
I am so glad to go on being one.
Too much to carry around with you,
no chance of finding a woman who
will love you in the morning
and all the night time too.
Yeah, like I really want to think about this guy's sex life. Thanks for those nightmares. Bush starts talking about the strategic reserve and my snarky little iPod is playing:
- A Jerusalem - Kitka
Other than oblique references, it has taken Bush this long to mention 9/11. That's probably the only good thing I can say about Bush's speech.
And then, Bush and Cheney drink water at the same time! See?!?!? I TOLD you!
In his quest to "nominate qualified men and women to vacancies on the federal bench," my blame-America-first iPod laughingly suggests that he'll have to...
- Drive All Over Town - Elliott Smith
He knew the one time with the army captain
He got over that whole deal before it happened
And its okay I knew exactly what you meant
When you said you were an accident
But when it's 3am he wonders where in the hell she went
And he'll drive all over town
Drive all over town
And he'll drive all over town
Drive all over town
Until he tracks her down
He'll drive all over town
Hey, he had to look high and low to find a justice of Harriet Mier's quality, so I think Bush's record on this issue is clear.
Another thing that's clear is that Bush doesn't know what he's talking about when it comes to the War on Terror. The man who said last night that "the enemy knows that the days of comfortable sanctuary, easy movement, steady financing, and free flowing communications are long over" is allied with Saudi Arabia and Pakistan, both of which provide just that. My iPod, which secretly wants us to lose the War on Terror, mocks Dear Leader's shady past by breaking out with:
- Too Much Brandy - The Streets
Walk down, been there before, done that,
no joy, if you're bored, let's go see Roy,
get fucked up with the boys
Calvin, Schmalvin, I'm well within my limit,
oh hang on a minute, these mushrooms just
kicked in, think I might be finished
The ball game heads for the worse, for what it's worth I might just fall off the edge of the earth, brain's kind of surfing now
We wander down darkened pathways in a daze,
"Want to buy any cocaine?", am I paranoid?
"Yes, you're paranoid"
Charlie, darling, please save me, this is raving,
take me home to my baby,
two bags of mushrooms,
room's mushed up and I need a cradle
When Bush starts threatening Iran, al-iPod cries
- Fire - The Jimi Hendrix Experience
For some reason, Bush goes off on a long discursus about 2005, maybe because that's the last time a majority of Americans supported him. Condi gives the assembly the stinkeye while Bush claims that the terrorists fear human freedom. I mean ... wha...? I was able to note all this because my iPod was singing to me in French, hateful intellectual that it is:
- Onquest N'amai Tant Que Jou Fui Amee - Sinfonye
But then Bush claims to have driven al Qaeda from Afghanistan. Since my iPod can't stand it when Bush is right, it starts going on about the suffering or our troops (and people who 'support the troops' know you should never talk about that):
- Mother Mother - Tracy Bonham
Im hungry
Im dirty
Im losing my mind
Everythings fine
Im freezing
Im starving
Im bleeding death
Everythings fine
Bush turns from war to love, of the bi-partisan kind, if only for the sake of making war:
The war on terror we fight today is a generational struggle that will continue long after you and I have turned our duties over to others. That is why it is important to work together so our Nation can see this great effort through. Both parties and both branches should work in close consultation. And this is why I propose to establish a special advisory council on the war on terror, made up of leaders in Congress from both political parties. We will share ideas for how to position America to meet every challenge that confronts us. And we will show our enemies abroad that we are united in the goal of victory.
iPod siezes this opportunity to mock the president's outreach, which is why no one ever votes for Democrats:
- Love and Happiness - Al Green
Love and happiness
You be good to me
I'll be good to you
we'll be together
we'll see each other
walk away with victory
oh baby,
love and happiness...
love and happiness...
No votes. Ever. NONE! You can thank my iPod for that, Democrats.
Bush going to Africa again? Don't believe it:
- Leavin' Trunk - The Black Keys
Goin' upstairs to pack my leavin' trunk
I ain't seen no whiskey - woman make me sloppy
Ain't seen no whisky - woman made me drunk
Goin' back home - where I had much better luck
Look here darling - want me to be your king?
Said you're kiddin' darling - gotta keep it hid
Don't let your main man - your husband catch me here
iPod just can't believe that AIDS and Darfur are on Bush's mind except when he's behind a podium in January. Bush is talking about corruption, Democracy, trade, debt relief while my crypto-socialist iPod is singing:
- THE FIXX - "One Thing Leads To Another"
The deception with tact
Just what are you trying to say
You've got a blank face, which irritates
Communicate, pull out your party piece
You see dimensions in two
State your case with black or white
But when one little cross
Leads to shots, grit your teeth
You run for cover so discreet
Why don't they
Do what they say, say what you mean
Oh well, one thing leads to another
You told me something wrong
I know I listen too long
But then one thing leads to another
Then it's easy to believe
Somebody's been lying to me
But when the wrong word goes in the right ear
I know you've been lying to me
It's getting rough, off the cuff
I've got to say enough's enough
Bigger the harder he falls
But when the wrong antidote
Is like a bulge on the throat
You run for cover in the heat
Why don't they
While Bush is wrapping up, talking about our "decent and honorable country," my iPod is going:
- What went wrong in your head? - Supergrass
What went wrong in your head?
While we slept in our beds
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
What went wrong in your head?
We played along with what you said
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
What went wrong in your head?
God save the unstable, they stand alone
Ain't done no wrong, it's such a beautiful life
I'll need some salvation, wave you on
Ain't done no harm, with a wonderful life
And there he goes. George Bush. Leader of the Free World. iPod gives him a grand exit with:
- Flash's Theme - Queen
FLASH - AAAAAAAA - Saviour of the universe!
Flash - Ah - He'll save ev'ry one of us
reporter's voice: Seemingly there is no reason for these
Extraordinary intergalactical upsets
(evil laugh: ha ha ha)
woman's voice: What's happening Flash?
reporter's voice: Only Dr Hans Zarkov formerly at NASA Has provided any explanation
FLASH - AAAAAAAA - He's a miracle
reporter's voice: This mornings unprecedented solar eclipse
Is no cause for alarm
FLASH - AAAAAAAA - King of the impossible
He's for ev'ry one of us
Stand for ev'ry one of us
He'll save with a mighty hand
Ev'ry man ev'ry woman ev'ry child
With a mighty Flash
absurd male accent: General Kaka: Flash Gordon approaching
absurd female accent: What do you mean Flash Gordon approaching?
Open fire all weapons
Dispatch War Rocket Ajax to bring back his body
FLASH - AAAAAAAA
stentorius voice: Gordon's alive
FLASH - AAAAAAAA - He'll save ev'ry one of us
[get out your lighters]
Just a man with a man's courage
He knows nothing but a man
But he can never fail
No one but the pure in heart
May find the golden grail oh oh oh oh
woman's voice: Flash Flash I love you
But we only have fourteen hours to save the Earth
War Rocket Ajax, cunningly disguised as Senator Jim Webb, prepares to deliver the corpse of Bush's speech by contrasting Bush's phony values with his own life and sacrifice. iPod joins in:
- Slow And Steady Wins The Race - Pedro The Lion
all the way to grandma's house
i stayed on the narrow path
but my brother wandered off
deep into the woods
bitten twice by rattle snakes
tangled up in poison oak
he fell down and broke his legs
into a great ravine
when i arrived at grandma's house
she made us tea and cake
she asked me where my brother was
i said i don't know and ate
when i get to heaven i'll be greeted warmly
surrounded by angels
as jesus takes my hand
i'll receive a mansion
on the river jordan
and a crown of diamonds
for a race well run
Webb points out that Bush has now mentioned energy independence in seven consecutive State of the Union addresses while my iPod plays a sort of Bush response to Webb's response:
- Foo Fighters › Good Grief (4:01)
Since I'm putting down all of the true things around, but I like it
I handed down the crown, given the jewels and the answers of may
The thought of being ousted comes and goes
When I think about it the wind blows
I hate it
Run me out of town, somewhere a move might intended a gown at
Pissed at all the bowels, always the blues and a delicate smile
Missed all of the sideways, gull and noun
Chills and petty band-aids, wrapped around
I hate it
Good grief
Here, I have to say that I was very disappointed. I'd always thought Grohl was singing "thought I'd be in Austin." Oh, well.
Webb says what needs saying:
With respect to foreign policy, this country has patiently endured a mismanaged war for nearly four years. Many, including myself, warned even before the war began that it was unnecessary, that it would take our energy and attention away from the larger war against terrorism, and that invading and occupying Iraq would leave us strategically vulnerable in the most violent and turbulent corner of the world.
And, once again, the soundtrack is perfect:
- Turn The Page - The Streets
That's it
Turn the page on the day, walk away
'Cause they're sensing what I say
I'm 45th generation Roman
But I don't know 'em
Or care when I'm spitting
So return to your sitting position and listen it's fitting
I'm miles ahead and they chase me
Show yer face on TV, then we'll see
You're can't do half, my crew laughs
At yer rhubarb and custard verses
Yer rain down curses but I'm waving,
Yer hearse is driving by
Streets riding high, with the beats in the sky
All stare, eyes glazed
Garage burnt down, the fire raged
For 40 days and in 40 ways
But through the blaze they see it fade
The sea of black, the beaming heat on their faces
Their figure emerges from the wasteage
Eyes transfixed with a piercing gaze
One hand clutching a sword raised to the sky
They wonder how, they wonder why
The sky turns white it all becomes clear
They felt lifted from their fears
They shed tears in the light
After 6 dark years
Young bold soldiers, the fire burns
Cracks and smoulders
5 years older and wiser
The fires are burning on fire, never tire
Slave warriors in the forests and on higher
We sing, hear the strings rising
The war's over, the bells ring
Memories fading, soldiers slaying
Looks like Geezers raving
The hazy fog over the bull ring,
The lazy ways the birds sing
A new babys born every day
Few men may be spoilt today
But look at things the other way
Cos it may well be yer final day
And then the crowds roar they slay, they all say
I produce this using only my bare wit
In the afterlife Gladiators meet their maker
Thrown through the wind fields and lakes of Bluewater
To the next life from the fortress
Away from the knives and slaughter
To their wives and daughters
Once more before the law judges over all of us
Cos in this place you'll see me
Stand by me my apprentice
Be brave, Clench fists.
.