The scene: An army recruiting office on January 2, 2009.
Recruiter: Next!
Recruit: That’s me sir.
Recruiter: State your name, recruit.
Recruit: (Stammering slightly) Cindy Smith, sir.
The recruiter looks up for a moment, he has a puzzled expression on his face.
Recruiter: Smith? How old are you Smith?
Recruit: Nine sir.
Recruiter: Nine? Shouldn’t you be in school right now?
Recruit: They’ve already closed my school down, sir. The teachers and the principle were drafted last month. Then most of the kids in school went over to Iraq and Iran to serve with their parents. Remember when the President said he was expanding No Child Left Behind? Right now, I am the only child left behind at my school.
Recruiter: I see your point. What kind of uniform is that you are wearing, Smith?
Recruit: Campfire Girls, sir.
Recruiter: Campfire Girl ehh? We’ve had a lot of those come through this office. Quite a few Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts too. Do you have any special skills?
Recruit: Well...I just got my cooking merit badge along with one for First Aid. And I’m real good at selling cookies.
Recruiter: Selling cookies huh? Huh? Well you know I think we might have a great spot for you. Do you know anything about propaganda?
Recruit: Propa-what sir?
Recruiter: Propaganda. I’m sure you have heard the President say how our enemies are training their people to hate us practically while their in the cradle. We need recruits who are part of the younger generation – who can speak their language.
Recruit: But sir...I can’t speak the language. What do they talk over there Irani, Iraqi or Farsi...?
Recruiter: Don’t worry about it. We’ve got soldiers who have been over there six years now and they speak just about as good as the natives.
Recruit: But sir (stammering some more) I am really worried about my lack of training...
Recruiter: Never you worry about that. Have you every heard of OJT?
Recruit: Is it anything like ROTC? My older brother was in that.
Recruiter: No OJT. It stands for On the Job Training. We’ll immerse you in a hostile environment and you’ll pick up the tricks of the trade right away.
Recruit: But what about equipment sir? Daddy used to write mommy saying that his bulletproof vest wasn’t very good and there wasn’t enough armor on the vehicles.
Recruiter: Don’t worry your pretty little head about it. America’s got the best fighting force in the world. You don’t think some Iraqi or Iranian is smarter than you, do you?
Recruit: (Pausing) Well...guess not.
Recruiter: Good for you! Well know, you sound like you’ve already got some family over there.
Recruit: Yes sir, I’m very proud of them!
Recruiter: Well, you give me their names and I’ll see if we can’t have you serving along side them.
Recruit: That would be great sir. I haven’t seen any of them in a long time.
Recruiter: Give me their names.
Recruit: Well, there was my grandfather...his name was Sam. My daddy’s name was Bob. My mom’s name was Sue. And my brother’s name was Jim.
(Recruiter taps some keys on a computer, then looks up at the recruit quite embarrassed.)
Recruiter: Uh...Serving with your family might not be the best for a new recruit. Might not see them for a while.
Recruit: (Looking dejected) Oh gee sir. I wish I was where they are right now.
(Recruiter shakes his head.)
Recruiter: You may see them sooner than you think. Now sign here and we will get the process started.
(Recruit signs her name and starts to head towards the door.)
Recruit: Just one last thing sir.
Recruiter: (Exasperated) What is it, Smith?
Recruit: It’s the rifle, sir. I think it is too big and heavy for me to carry.
Recruiter: Don’t worry about that. You’ll be assigned to a battle-hardened brownie. That way there will be two of you to point and shoot the rifle.
Recruit: A brownie, sir?
Recruiter: Certainly. Why do you think they call it the buddy system?