Okay,okay,okay..........geez this is odd for me.I wanted to use this post time for something important but tomy amazement there are truely people that are that interested in who i am and why i cant type.lol ill explain guys but bare with me man.Okay i type bad,spell bad,and express the thoughts in a not so good way.I hope this explains some things.
I dont see why this is necessary.Why is that i cant just live and you and i just read and learn from each other?Im not saying that those people that keep calling me a "troll" (which i did eventually learn what that was) which im not,and ive had numerous attempts to insult me.I can see how these short comings of mine can annoy many.I get that.The spell check isnt me,the punctuation check,also isnt me so those things are just left out.
Its something thats typed guys and gals,nothing more.I can prove im not copying anyone if you give me time youll see that,i mean heck im terrible at typing but im atleast consistant right?
What i dont understand is why its so important,in light of the greater picture.Is my punctuation and spelling the enemy here?Maybe so,but since im starting to get carpultunnel from explaining things,i thought id put this out and hope for the best.Im a not so important guy from ohio guys.I just so happen to think alot and until now didnt have to many outlets for these thoughts.
Im not still deployed.I have this thing where i feel like ive never left.Its hard to explain and im not saying i want pity,but this is where i am now in my life.What youve been reading has been the out pour of everything ive been thinking for 2 years and it doesnt always come out the way i want it too.The truth is,most of the time i dont even look at the screen when i type because my fingers dont mve at the same speed as my thoughts.I was deployed on November 28,2004 for OIF 3 and came back December 8,2005.I was stationed in Tikrit on FOB Spicher for a few months and then we convoyed to Ramadi.Things havent been the same for me since.This is why im here.Its been a up hill climb trying to get my thoughts together not because i cant,but because i think about alot folks.Youll see comments and posts at 3am,5am,noon,whenever really.These feelings dont stop for me.
Ive never left that desert,and i guess ive gotten use to writting in journels when i can just write how i feel,never having to worrie about what people thought.Im not saying you guys are wrong.Heck you just want something you can read with no problems.Yes that was no as in N.O. lol I dont no if thats right or wrong and honestly im not interested in if it is or isnt.This post dissapoints me because id like to tell you somethings that maybe you might wanna hear or maybe you wont.I cant control that guys and gals.Ive been answering as many of you as possible but damn you guys are brutal.Please dont tell me that this is the purpose of this site?That in a place where you all have spoken to me about injustice and doing whats right not just because i was deployed,but because theres a such thing as doing whats decent by another person.When i come to your diaries and blast your thoughts then please come and hit back but damn yall.If you have questions abut who i am all you gotta do is ask.Ive been reading for the past several hours on everything from people that have shared some very,very heartfelt things and then as i scroll down what do i find.
Hopefully if your noticing the length of this than you can atleast see the part of my mind that just goes and goes non stop.Someone sent me a comment saying that they feel like i type like im talking and this is true.The comma for example is something i really hate lol This because the comma is expected to be inserted in ways i dont use it.I no it should be there but frankly i dont use what i dont have too.I gotta wait another day now to post something that i was hoping would really break me out of the ordinary.This cant happen now because of this lack of faith.I have nothing to prove guys.I just want to tell you about where my life ended and where its begun anew.
Ive seen and been apart of things that you cant imagin.I was a 44 Bravo while i was deployed.For those that dont know its a welder.Sounds simple enough right.I thought my deployment would be easy,this is why im nobodies hero.I wanted it easy because it was the very last place i wanted to be,but there i was.I was suppose to repair some junk and go on about my business like the war wasnt happening.
They had some openings for our units TMT or Tactical Movement Team,and i just wanted to get off the damn FOB before i went nuts and i heard that Camp Anaconda had a ice cream place (which they do).So they give me a M60 and say "hey just take it on this 1 run and dont sweat it."Hell i was told i didnt even have to clean it because it was gonna be a go there and get back kinda deal.It wasnt.On that first trip a friend of mine named Specialist Fredrick was going with me in my truck to retake his ASVAB test for his E5.We got out of the gate and crossed a median.Thats when i learned that the enemy doesnt just plant IED's.They actually put full gas cans on top to make sure they burn us inside the truck.When this particularly nasty IED went off He was hit in 7 places that left him in a mess that was very hard to describe to his mother.I did however because my chain of command just said he was "killed in the line of duty" which to me seemed like a lie.I was unharmed because i was the gunner and by this freak luck the fire ball burned my DCU's to a toasted marshmellow and ended up giving my frined in the truck behind me 2nd and 3rd degree burns on his chest and face.
So im thinking everythings cool until i look down and see the skeletal mush that was someone that never stopped talking about how much his mom worried about him,and how he knew what he was doing.I didnt get severily injured but i was screwed after that.That face is in my eyes right now as i write this.Thats it for him.Thats the last way he will be remembered by the same guy he use to play Halo 2 against.No more laughs because the mortars missed our home by 20 or 30 feet.Thats it.I still have the boots i was wearing because thats all they would let me keep.Dont you understand.There are more important things people.Inhale your life and exhale strength.I DONT WANT YOUR KIDS OR FAMILY TO BE ME!!!This is the only therapy left for me.That smell people.You never forget that smell.We drove 7 hours on the next Anaconda run from Ramadi and every trip i could see him sitting there looking at me.Asking me why im being such a punk for ducking down when i felt like i was being lead by a sniper.Im no troll folks.Im just me.Ive been dead since arrived at Ramadi.
My family doesnt no how to talk to me and i spend everyday putting together the pieces to a puzzle that is politics.I need to no why i was there,and why my fallen friends where there.I need to no.What in my Presidents mind made this worth it?What the hell makes it worth it now?You see troops on TV but they dont show you the dead ones.Its not just a freakin smoking boot ill tell you that.Its the most horrific thing ive ever been apart of.I love my country and defending what she stands for,but damn.What do you do when its over?When your coutry no longer needs you and talks to you like your a freakin nut because they didnt see the same crap i did.I dont want the damn pity people just a place to talk.Thats all.Nothing more or less.Beleiev what you will about me but please dont question who i am.No one would lie and say there me,trust me.Im 25 years old.This will be with me for the rest of my life.Dont you see what that means?Ive been asking since i started this with you guys.Who's paying the price?I want you guys to think and act for change.So your kids never see half a person that use to talk and think and move and laugh.This is your f*@cking troll who cant spell or type.Its been nice to meet you but lets not push what doesnt matter which is who i am.2 and 3 times men and women have been over there.THIS IS THE DAMN WAR AND WHAT IT DOES TO PEOPLE.The Iraqis arent the only victims here.I was there and i wish i never was.YOU DONT FAKE THIS KINDA SHIT.Dont you see that.I have to sleep now.Dont feel guilty or say your sorry for anything.Keep being cautious but dammit have some respect.i dont just miss Specialist Fredrick,Cpt.Jansky,or Sgt Eckert and 25 some odd others that i no.
I miss Adam aswell .........he's dead too.
PS-Sorry about the typo's.........