(This is the third in a series of posts I've been blogging about on my own site about the recent controversy in Evesham Township, New Jersey regarding the decision by the school board there to show a film called That's A Family to third graders and the local reaction, which clearly is mixed, that the community has put forth.)
I continued writing yesterday in an update on the situation in Evesham Township where recently, controversy has erupted over the local school board's decision to show third graders a film called That's Family, a film on familial diversity as well as tolerance of same sex couple.
Naturally, the airing of the video was met with skepticism and outright anger, yet Garden State Equality, looking for support for it's stance for the rights of same sex couples, urged supporters of tolerance to show up at the school board meeting and let their voices be heard.
It turned out to be a mixed review but I'd like to make what I think is an important, as well as relevant observation, considering some news that I'm reading this morning.
Yesterday, while making the point that teaching tolerance in an educational "group" environment is important, I said:
Back to tolerance. The reason many people I think want this video shown to young children is that at this early stage of life, children haven't developed stereotypes and prejudices yet. They're incapable of it. And yet as children get older, start developing independence, and as their own sexuality and feelings of insecurity begin to come into play, signaling the onset of puberty, they no doubt will begin to have to deal with the jeers and insults that are so common amongst adolescent people.
...
By not learning about tolerance and respect for all people at the point in a person's life when the true value of tolerance can be absorbed before preconceived notions and opinions have become set in by peer groups and society, we better serve every individual by providing the ability to separate emotion from logic, thus allowing each other to make a decision based on their own belief system and moral standing as opposed to that of group think which, in this day and age, can be problematic.
If you can do that at home, that's wonderful. If you have mixed children in a group environment in school, all learning how to communicate and accept all individuals together, you can help lessen the possibility that feelings of intolerance will take root amongst peers to begin with.
I see group education, especially in children, as a vital and important step in social development. Children feed off each other and are actually quite smart; much smarter than they're often given credit for and so it's not surprising to me to hear someone talk about their child making a very self-determined and wise decision in the face of an awkward or difficult situation.
Children are stubborn and self-centered. Not always the best traits but when it comes time to make a personal decision, if they've been guided and nurtured properly in respect and tolerance, when the time comes, I'm fairly confident that a child will find it easier to make a decision firmly and stick to it.
As children grow older, hit the pre-teens, enter junior high and high school, the ability to stick to your guns often comes under much greater pressure as the importance of "the group" begins to outweigh the importance of your own beliefs and often, people will sacrifice their personal beliefs in order to be accepted by the circle at large.
That's not a scientific statement in the least, but I'm sure it happens.
Which raises another point. Not only are children stubborn, not only are older children more likely to submit to the group think mentality, but children and adolescents have less of an ability to take into account many personal characteristics of an individual and from that, develop an overall view of a person by which to judge them on.
You and I may be able to write someone off easily enough of their stance on gay rights and marriage. A child, on the other hand, might not be able to do that, especially when it's an idol.
An idol, like say...retired Miami Heat guard Tim Hardaway who said in a recent interview:
"You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known. I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people," he said while a guest on Sports Talk 790 The Ticket. "I'm homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States."
What brought on this statement from this former Miami Heat guard?
The discussion was sparked by last week's announcement that retired NBA center John Amaechi is gay. The host asked Hardaway how he would interact with a gay teammate.
Tim Hardaway further explained:
"First of all, I wouldn't want him on my team. And second of all, if he was on my team, I would, you know, really distance myself from him because, uh, I don't think that is right. I don't think he should be in the locker room while we are in the locker room."
If he did find out that a teammate was gay, Hardaway said he would ask for the player to be removed from the team.
"Something has to give," Hardaway said. "If you have 12 other ballplayers in your locker room that's upset and can't concentrate and always worried about him in the locker room or on the court or whatever, it's going to be hard for your teammates to win and accept him as a teammate."
Where do I begin with this? I'm not as prolific or as well versed as writer as some individuals who deal with this kind of behavior all the time, like Gary from PridePress or perhaps John Aravosis of Americablog.
I'm also not gay, so I can't offer that deeply personal and emotional response that someone who surely has dealt firsthand with the slurs and prejudice may be able to offer up as insight.
However, I am a father of two children. And so when I hear parents who were talking at that school board meeting in Evesham say things like:
But township resident Drew Viscidy, an opponent, said the film infringed on "my parental rights to decide if, when, where and how I present certain information to my children."
"As an American I am losing my tolerance for the amount of tolerance I'm supposed to tolerate," he said.
Mr. Viscidy, would you prefer to leave it to your children's or other's children's sports stars to teach your children that it's ok to hate people because of their sexual preference and then to go say such things about them on a TV interview?
Let's suppose you teach tolerance in your home. That's great and you'd be doing a fine service to your children. But if your neighbor isn't, if your neighbor feels the same about gays as Tim Hardaway does, and makes no effort to teach tolerance to his children or, god forbid, he speaks casually about "the fags" and how "disgusting they are" and how they're "everything that's wrong with America" around his children all the time, no amount of education is going to overcome that.
Group think amongst peers and friends is important. What you as parents say and demonstrate to your children is of an importance that cannot be measured along any one line.
Listen to his statement one more time. (Alternately, you can watch a video about the controversy)
"You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known. I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people," he said while a guest on Sports Talk 790 The Ticket. "I'm homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States."
"First of all, I wouldn't want him on my team. And second of all, if he was on my team, I would, you know, really distance myself from him because, uh, I don't think that is right. I don't think he should be in the locker room while we are in the locker room."
If he did find out that a teammate was gay, Hardaway said he would ask for the player to be removed from the team.
"Something has to give," Hardaway said. "If you have 12 other ballplayers in your locker room that's upset and can't concentrate and always worried about him in the locker room or on the court or whatever, it's going to be hard for your teammates to win and accept him as a teammate."
And here's the apology he gave:
"Yes, I regret it. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said I hate gay people or anything like that," he said. "That was my mistake."
He's not apologizing for the content of what he said or the message that he put forth. He's saying he's sorry he said it publicly because obviously, he's now embroiled in controversy. He's sorry he said it, but not sorry that he feels that way.
Surely that night, tonight, tomorrow night and for every night forward, he'll be pissing and moaning and deriding gays because he thinks it's ok to hate gays, he thinks they don't belong in the world, and god knows what else.
In other words, I think it's safe to say Tim Hardaway thinks that:
"As an American I am losing my tolerance for the amount of tolerance I'm supposed to tolerate"
That's pretty sad. Arguing your hate by saying he shouldn't have to tolerate a person for their personal, private sexual preference and otherwise feeling opinions like that are not only personally acceptable, but that nobody should be teaching your children otherwise.
Lastly and astonishingly, at least to me, is this poll that was attached to the article running the interview that Americablog was running with.
That's just sad and as an American, I have to confide that I am truly ashamed of our society.