Some of you might recall the original diary, Their Reality has Lapped Our Satire from last July. I reprised it at The Daily Pulse on behalf of this past weekend's Blog Against Theocracy.
It started by observing that I had been trying to cartoon the absurdities of fundamentalists at Hypnocrites, but reached a point where it was just impossible to satirize people who's own reality was simply beyond the absurd. The turning point, for me, was this
.
Well, it just keep getting worse. Follow for the latest atrocities.
Okay, every day we see electricians vans, yellow pages, billboards, advertising companies and products as "Christian," like that means the plumber won't overcharge us because he goes to the right church on Sundays. As a cartoonist, if I were to try to make fun of this kind of marketing, what might I come up with? If I sat down to draw a cartoon and TRIED, I mean really TRIED, to figure out how to satirize the marketing of Jesus, the ideas I would come up with would probably be candy bars or perfume.
Candy bars- don't just save it for Sundays, eat the Lord whenever you need a little pick-me-up.
Perfume (and this is really the ultimate irony)- nothing attracts a man like the provocative scent of Jesus. A dab between each ear, and maybe a bit between the breasts and down "there," and you'll be born again, and again, and again. They don't call it "The Second Coming" for nothing.
Sigh. Once again, their reality has lapped our satire.
This is what did it, what made me write this diary. Virtue(R) bills itself as "The world's first spiritual perfume." Yup, biblical perfume. But don't take my word for it. Listen to the company's CEO
We turned to the Bible to seek inspiration about which items to include and became convinced that a formulation would reveal itself," explains Rick Larimore, IBI's chief executive officer. "Creating Virtue(R) has been an adventurous journey through fragrance and scripture, with remarkable miracles confirming our choices.
...
Biblically, fragrance was associated with Christ and many of the saints; including last century's Padre Pio, who gave off a fragrance that was associated with virtue," explains Larimore. "Almost every religion and spiritual system worldwide acknowledges that many individuals of high spiritual attainment give off a fragrance attributed to their virtue.
I don't really remember much in the Bible about Jesus smelling good. But a bit more about Jesus. From what I remember, and I don't claim to be a scholar, marketing did not seem to be his primary purpose.
It's not just perfume. It looks like there's an entire industry built around the Bible, and not just books. Yup, we have actually reached a point where the very same peple who demand we RESPECT their religion (meaning giving every absurdity undue deference, even while their pissing on us and calling it rain) are using the Bible to hawk everything from plumbing to power bars.
These guys have a whole series of foods from the Bible. The company, Logia, is a FOR PROFIT corporation that seems to have voluntarily dissolved a decade ago, meaning they don't file annual reports or pay their taxes. Yup, that's what Jesus was all about, making a profit and not paying your taxes. The principal of Logia is Thomas Ciola, who has lots of other businesses, including Hot Stuff, Inc., a dietary "supplement" that included methyltestosterone, which is tremendously liver toxic, but undetectable in drug tests. But you can trust Mr. Ciola, because he's a reverend..
But my favorite Ciola product isn't the Bible Bar, or "Hot Stuff," but "King David's Treat." I will not post a link. Google it if you want. All I can say is, I found it pretty weird to go to Logia's website to find a picture of their product and links to nude pictures of pre-adolescent celebrities.
It's not just two hucksters, either. MSN is my default home page, and the front story today is Dieting With the Deity. Follow the
biblical approach to weight management
and watch the pounds melt away.
I did a cartoon once, after seeing Burger King commercials for their new "Stacker" burgers (four patties, four slices of cheese, and eight pieces of bacon, NO VEGETABLES), trying to point out that there was no reason to try to kill us, we were killing ourselves as quickly as we could
Little did I know that diet, too would become part of the new Crusades.
Their reality has lapped our satire, again.