It's simple, really. With apologies to the guy who coined the kindergarten meme, everything I need to know to understand and make my own decisions about the current US political scene I learned when I gave birth. And every day, in every way, more and more of what I encounter abjectly fails the Mommy "sniff test."
Those of you who are parents know the Mommy sniff test well. Find the cookie jar empty, see a kid with a ring of chocolate around her mouth, and you really don't need forensics to figure out that the cookies didn't disappear on their own. Hold a bone-dry toothbrush and ask that same kid if she brushed before she hit the hay, and you don't need a congressional panel to come up with a bipartisan take on her departure from the truth. See a plastic sword laying around the living room when your six-year-old twin-boy neighbors are coming down the street to play, and you already have all the strategic input you could ever need or want to confiscate said toy weapon.
What I don't understand, then, is why, when truth, justice and the American way come down to such simple, black-and-white concepts in my tiny family, that all of us -- Dems, liberals, and Kossacks alike -- let some of the most basic truths get "complicated" by layer upon layer of partisan, political bullshit.
More below.
The truth is, anybody who has ever raised a kid develops an internal bullshit detector that's second to none -- and, once you've got one, you really can't ignore the simple moral compass it helps to create.
Is there a parent among us who doesn't know deep down that Alberto Gonzales was lying his Constitution-denigrating ass off about why he signed off on the firings of 8 US attorneys? Gonzales told the Senate Judiciary Committee more than 70 times last Thursday that he couldn't recall events related to the firings. "I don't remember"? That's a child's answer, designed to make Mommy go away or forget to ground you when you're telling a big, fat whopper.
Speaking of the "I forgot" defense, Dennis Hastert told Congress that he just didn't recall any information being shared with him about ex-Congressman Mark Foley's predeliction for teenage boys with good abs. Talk about failing the Mommy sniff test?! When was the last time anybody, anywhere heard about somebody they know and/or worked with having a fetish for little boys and then promptly forgot it? Pedophelia tends to get most folks' attention. Hell, we all hung over the back fences talking about the news here on dKos. Does anybody really believe that Denny and his buddies didn't swap a few stories over a beer at some point? Mommy radar says ... "bullshit."
And the whole Wolfowitz thing? Cut me and my Mommy radar a break. Our self-appointed, global, anti-corruption tsar arranges a do-nothing job with a sweet salary for his little bit o' red velvet cake -- but, really, folks, what you need to understand is that Paul is just a sweet, honest man who wears his heart on his sleeve. RRRRiiiiggghttttt. And the neighbor's kid who got suspended from college for a semester for purchasing a research paper off the Internet is, really, just a forward-thinking transactionalist.
Bush just threatened another veto of the latest version of the Iraq war spending bill. When my kid pulls out the old "It's my ball, and if I can't go first, you can't play at all" chestnut, I suspend her bicycle and TV privileges. Hey, Dubya -- this Mommy says it's time for you to go to your room. Now.
Show me treasonous assholes who "out" CIA agents, and this Mommy knows that these are the same folks who, back in the day, used to shove nerds into lockers or tape "kick me" signs on the fat kid's back.
Stand in public at a black-tie dinner and yell at the nice lady who instinctively reaches to touch your arm as part of polite conversation? Mr. Rove, me -- and all of the other mothers here -- need you to head to the front of the room and write 1,000 times, "I will not be a rude, disengenous prick when others express views that differ from my own."
I should spell out for the record, the Mommy sniff test cuts across all political lines. "The definition of what is, is?" Sounds like my Sadie when I ask her if she's finished her homework. Caught with a stack of cash chilling in your freezer? My Mommy radar tells me this may not be the first time you've dipped into the cookie jar without permission.
I'm just getting started, but I know that the rest of you parents out there can help me out.
I keep talking about fighting to make the world a better place for my kid. I now realize that the best way to make that happen is to make all of the adults in her world observe the same rules she's expected to follow.
Love. Respect. Common decency. Be nice to others. Don't lie. Don't cheat. Don't steal. Play nice in the sandbox. Treat your friends the way you want to be treated. Clean up your mess.
My seven-year-old can manage most of this most days. From where I sit, Washington isn't even close most of the year.