Sorry, I can't let this go.
This vitamin-charged race is a race for the hearts, minds, and souls of our nation's children, along with their parents' money. It pits the evil, Republican vampire against the wimpy, pink, and gay Democratic monster.
Both candidates offer a super sweet new cereal as a perfect way to start your morning, but that's where they violently part ways.
As you can see, Frankenberry offers berry-flavored sweeties for monstrous strawberry flavor, while Count Chocula delivers chocolate-flavored sweeties for monstrous chocolate flavor. Clearly, this race boils down to two heavily-sugared, vitamin-charged cereals with two very different flavors. There seems to be no common ground between the two, other than they both seem very weak on the growing pootie problem.
From this commercial, we can see that Chocula is going to extraordinary lengths to reach out to pre-teenage girls. Normally, you wouldn't catch a vampire braving the morning sun under any circumstance. One presumes his latest poll numbers must have been underwhelming.
Many speculate that he's feeling pressure from the right in the form of the Booberry campaign. Others point out that common sense would dictate that Booberry is taking a bite out of the "berry" vote.
Both candidates are loved by kids and are both "winners," so it's puzzling why they still have to resort to bribing kids with even more sugar. A trend that some believe was first exploited by the Quaker Company.
These cereals were packed with so much sugar, it gave kids "Quake Power" (tremors) and "crazy energy." Perhaps, it even lead to violent confrontations with robot crocodiles who vexed those lucky enough to have Quisp or Quake as part of their complete breakfast.
In lieu of a proper ending to this diary, here's a poll: