CUPERTINO, CALIF. – Hot on the heels of the release of the wildly popular iPhone, Apple CEO Steve Jobs has announced a new joint endeavor to create artificial life forms.
"We think this will be a tremendous boost to our product sales," Jobs said in describing the agreement with GeneTech Industries. "What we hope to do is nothing less than build consumers who crave our products the minute they are in the cradle."
Noting that Apple has a history of providing consumers with more technology than they really need, Jobs said the artificial life forms will allow Apple to build evermore feature-laden devices in the future.
"Look, you can already watch movies on the iPhone," Jobs observed. "What kind of a feature is that for pedestrians walking down a crowded city street?"
Artificial life forms are scheduled to come online within the next two years. Future upgrades will allow other manufacturers to instill the artificial life forms with a desire for their products as well. "Take General Motors," Jobs said. "They've got the Hummer vehicles which cost almost as much as a small house and are just about as efficient in highway mileage. Nobody needs something like that to drive to the grocery store. Our artificial life forms can be designed not to worry about the practicality of a product or the cost of operating it."
The name of the artificial life form? Why, the iDiot, of course.