The people infesting the streets and convention spaces of poor, unsuspecting Chicago was enough to make one conservative blogger say this about the sergeant issue at Yearlykos:
This(sic)a perfect example of the left-wing liberal thoughts on the military. Who needs an army anyway, because when these socialists get the power they desire, the world will all of a sudden fall in line and sing Kumbya (sic)together circling the globe in totally (sic) unity for the defense of the live earth. (huh?)
It's nobody famous, and I'm not linking.
The nightmarish, dystopian future he fears is indeed alarming. The rich vocabulary, and the vibrant imagery describing a world where people love each other... it just chills me to the marrow of my undernourished, vegetarian bones.
How can we save ourselves from ourselves. How can we stop this horrific train of vile love and respect?
If you decide to take your pasty, pale, long haired, freakish selves below the jump, you will see a world where one can feel warm and protected. You can feel comforted by the strong hands and muscular physique of a government that will completely obliterate any threat to America.
Let's start with something awakening, something impressive, something alarmingly productive.
She looks around the steak house at all the other conservatives, her face the very definition of rapture, and says, "It's why we do what we do."
That kind of pride in action is inspiring. As I read about the people at Yearlykos, I couldn't help but wonder, "Just what are those people accomplishing? How are they supposed to get things done when all they're doing is meeting with presidential candidates, discussing policy proposals, creating policy, and drinking alcohol until late at night with strangers in hotel rooms? Just what does that do besides give them a headache in the morning?"
I thought hard. What can I do? I had it. I knew the answer. I would have a friend tell me, unsolicited, that I should read a column in the local weekly newsmagazine which bills itself as Seatte's Only Newspaper. What a stroke of genius on my part.
The article, written by Paul Constant describes the scene at a local "Ruth's Chris Steak House." I'll let the author tell you about the scene himself.
We're at Ruth's Chris Steak House in downtown Seattle, schmoozing under the auspices of the National Review. Founded by William F. Buckley Jr. in 1955, the National Review is a biweekly conservative magazine that has remained staunchly right wing through Nixon and Reagan and Clinton and the Bushes, defending the upper-class white man against all comers: Bra-Burning Feminazis, Welfare Queens, the Homosexual Conspiracy, Do-Nothing Mexicans, and other assorted Democrats.
I'm no thrill jockey, and I don't get paid to write. As a result, I have no drive to creep into such a lion's den. Just what could happen at a steak house filled with the finest conservatives this 19th largest metro area has to offer? Would they serve fresh liberal?
Well, it turns out that for the most part, they just sat around and bitched about stuff.
Constant goes on to describe his sinister, libtardrastic motivation:
I came because I wanted to find out how Republicans talk to one another in their natural habitat, when no enemies are around. There are other journalists here—like Kirby Wilbur, the Northwest's own Rush Limbaugh, who has a daily show on 570 KVI talk radio—but I'm the only Democrat. (I used my real name when I RSVP'd. I guess none of the planners Googled me.)
You see there? You see what happened? We have deliberately kept secret the amazing device called 'the home computer.' Not only that, but we've also kept other secrets of the age of technology equally under lock and key, for instance, 'teh google.'
Seattle is a liberal place. A conservative in this city doesn't have a hard time keeping his hate boner goin'. The meeting was arranged during the time that the cute little elf of the law, Abu G, came through town. Come on, admit it, you think he's a cutey!
Nobody was concerned that the drinks cost 20 bucks, but they were concerned about other things. An example of the kind of back breaking activism taken on by conservatives is given in the following piece from Constant's article.
An elderly married couple who aren't going on the cruise but have been reading National Review for decades start talking to me. The wife tries to recruit me for the Snohomish Republican Party, saying, "We could always use good-looking young men like you."
And to what ends do they plan on using this agile and pinpoint targeted party recruitment tool? Just what amazing thing do they have planned for the government when they are in full control? Sacrifice. That's right. They are all sacrificing. I don't know what they are sacrificing, but someone is, and they know it.
A lady weighs in with a heartwarming story. "My friend knows this guy who was an army Ranger who got blown up," she says. "He lost his left arm and both of his legs." Everyone nods solemnly. "And this is the miracle of today's army medicine: He's still alive and now they've got him all prosthetic-ed up. Isn't that amazing?" Her eyes are wet with joy over this one-limbed soldier. She adds, "Three limbs. Do you know how many arteries he must've severed?"
Apparently, no one knew the answer.
Seriously. Seriously, just for a second. The amazing policy proposals these people put together on the back of a gin-soaked napkin are just incredibly awe inspiring. For instance one conservative Republican at the dinner had the unique observation that Hollywood is to blame! Think about that for a second. Hollywood is the reason there are terrorists in the world. His solution made me think twice about the stupid artsy movies I like to watch.
"We need to make fun of Arabs and Saudis. In World War II, they made fun of Germans and the Japanese. If we laugh at them, we won't be so afraid of them, but it's all this damn political correctness. "It's all about being unapologetically superior, which is what we need to learn how to be. If we were more unapologetically superior in Iraq and Afghanistan, we'd be treated with the respect we deserve.""
What a stunningly simple solution. I think we need to get Allen Funt on the phone immediately. Actually, it's his kid Peter Funt, but who cares? Let's just send them to Iraq! It's time we did some real Arab mocking. I can't think of anything that would project a stronger image of the American Empire than to send a camera crew to Al Anbar. They'd film insurgents going through all the work of shoving all of their American donated AK-47's and their IED's into a phony photo booth. Then, the hammer drops- they get squirted with disappearing ink! Imagine the power something like that would project.
The serious reality of life in this global age hits home for these people. They want to get rid of the brown people, because they're holding the rest of us back. But, not in the way you, pansy ass, "progressive" reader, believe. They believe you think they are thinking they bel... whatever. One of the diners notes:
We could've invented the cotton gin 20 years sooner if it weren't for slavery.
("We" I think refers to the slave owners.)
They have a keen sense of the national debate on immigration. It's interesting to note that the attendees at this dinner are well connected. Some of them have friends. One of their friends works for the border patrol. An attendee is damn angry that his friend can't do his job the right way anymore!!!!!
A PR executive agrees, and adds that it's not our hardworking border patrol's fault: "I have friends who are border patrol who are brokenhearted that they aren't allowed to shoot at them anymore. I mean, if they can't do their job, then why bother?"
If only I could mount a massive, light sensing, robotic machine gun that was tuned to the skin pigment of humans near the border!!!!! I suspect Summer would require a technician to visit the gun and dial it to a little browner setting. You know, the Sun is getting brighter and all that.
The group goes on to lament the twisting of the facts on global warming. Apparently, it's just those scientists who are wrong. The rest of the scientists, like the ones who cure Erectile Dysfunction, they're always right. Except, of course when it lasts more than 4 hours. If that happens, they're probably climate scientists in disguise.
I don't know if any of the diners decided to google Mr. Constant after the event, but one thing is for sure, his spendthrift habits pegged him as a total liberal- he only spent 12 bucks. The good news is that after the well attended Abu G memorial dinner, all the problems were solved.
She lets go of my arm and as I bolt up the stairs, she calls out after me: "I think we resolved all of America's problems here tonight!"
I'm sure that meetings like this happen all over the country on any given day. It's just humbling and gratifying to know that there are people out there doing the real work of Democracy, so I can slack off and raise a family, and teach kids stuff they don't need to know anyway.
Otto