In a stunning announcement this morning, Joseph Lieberman (NoParty-CT) is now proposing targeted air strikes within Italy. Because he was speaking for the White House, Lieberman utilized the WH Press Room while Tony Snow was receiving his latest propaganda briefing.
"It has been clear to me for some time now, well since the Pope announced that he was supporting a return to the Tridentine Mass which includes a prayer for the conversion of the Jews, that our former friends in Italy are up to skulduggery," Republican spokesman Joseph Lieberman huffed.
The Vice President, who was half hidden behind a curtain, smirked and nodded in agreement.
The Administration official called the press conference in response to the shocking news that a cache of 100,000 weapons was discovered at Fiumiccino Airport bound for Iraq. Apparantly Iraqi government officials were in on the deal, unbeknownst to the U.S. military.
Britt Hume of Fox News, enthusiastic about a pre-emptive strike on a Western European nation, grilled the Senator.
HUME: I have heard rumors that the Italians have been cosy with the Iranians for some time now. Is it true that the Italians are using Iran as a conduit for their illegal gun-running activities?
LIEBERMAN: Yes, Britt, I'm happy to see that you have received the classified memo from an anonymous source inside the Pentagon. We have been following several Italian operatives who, under the guise of opening family-style restaurants in Tehran, are really setting up gun-trafficking operations.
Helen Thomas could not conceal her irritation.
THOMAS: Senator Lieberman, what exactly led you to this preposterous conclusion?
LIEBERMAN: That is a good question, Helen. Let me ask you, would you eat in an Italian restaurant that served linguini with a side of falafel? Listen, if we don't fight the Italians over there, next thing you know, they'll be flooding through our borders.
THOMAS: Uh, Senator, are you aware that there are millions of Italians who are already in the United States, most of whom are law abiding citizens?
LIEBERMAN: I don't know where you are getting your intel, Helen, since you are not on the approved list, but let me say that the Vice President, Attorney General and I are already looking very carefully at this immigrant group in order to make a determination of their citizenship status. Next question.
Lieberman proceeded to take a question from a guy named Les who asked what the President thought about Madame Sarkozy's snub of Laura Bush's luncheon invitation.
Thank you for the intuitive question, Les. Madame Sarkozy's behavior is indicative of the French contempt for our democratic values. Not that I want to reveal anything still classified, but it might be a good idea for French citizens to take an extended vacation into late September.
Britt Hume followed up by asking, "Does that mean it is your intention to bring Democracy to Italy AND France?"
"Let's just say that our Administration is not finished with spreading Democracy around the world." Lieberman ended the press conference amid a roar of questions from NPR and McClatchy which were ignored. He high-fived the Vice-President and returned to his office at the Naval Observatory.