Today the United Nations was found to be sequestering vast amounts of nerve gas and other WMD, presumably for a planned invasion of the United States. The right-wing had long suspected that Saddam Hussein had spirited his imaginary WMD out of Iraq, just prior to the US invasion in 2003; now such concerns have been validated. Black helicopters were also found to be staged on the roof of the UN building.
President Bush has ordered a preemptive attack on both the UN and the State of New York, restating his policy of 2001 that
"those states which harbor terrorists are no different than the terrorists themselves."
In unrelated news, the Bush administration announced simultaneous military strikes on Fort Detrick in Maryland, Fort Benning in Georgia, and 59 other US states and territories known to possess or manufacture WMD, or train or harbor terrorists. When asked why Florida was not included among these, White House spokesman Dana Perino stated that Florida had complied with US requests, and deported both Mohammed Atta and Luis Posada Carriles.