Everyone that knows me and knows her tells me it was the right thing to do...but I have spent this day in tears...capturing myself..and then sliding into another grief ridden puddle.
What do you do?? How do you do the right thing?
She was 13. Still lively and still looking at me as if I was the sole purpose for her being.
But..she had also bitten or tried to bite three people in the last two months. She had taken to growling at friends she knew and knew her. Indifferent to food, even when I knew that she had to be hungry..she had taken to defecating on lawn chairs while staring off into the distance at a view only she could see.
So..that wonderful little pound puppy, that little ball of black fur who knew immediately that she was surrounded by love..who went "grrr..." at people with the termerity to walk on her sidewalk in front of her house when she still looked like something that came out of the lint collector in the dryer..who couldn't have reached an ankle on a first grader, let alone challenge the big dogs that were being led by our home...is gone.
No more Halloweens with her celebrating every young child that came to the door..No more summers with glasses of wine while the dog chased squirrels. Just no more.
I'm crippled...I keep thinking I can handle this, then I'm crushed again. Of all the changeable things in my life, relationships driven by politics, contacts, social connections, etc.....she was totally driven by love. And she's gone...and I did that. God forgive me.
I know this isn't about politics..but it is about what frames our world, what makes us driven to do the right things...and I've done many "right" things, with her by my side. I think my little pound puppy was a dem. Always kind to the little ones...always wanting to believe the best in people..but no one's fool.