It's been a month or so since I joined the Daily Kos's merry band and I've been putting off writing a diary. This is a bit out of character for me as I usually have a lot to say and am not reticent about saying it. But the diaries I have been reading on this site are so substantive that I admit to being intimidated. Beyond that, I'm still not sure what I can or should write about. The state of the nation? So many others are more eloquent than I about this. The Iraq war? Again, while I have a definite opinion, others have stated what I would, only better. Fears? Dreams? Loves? Hates? Is this a place to write about personal things like this? I don't know...
Perhaps it's best if I better define who I am. I've always been a "bleeding-heart liberal" - ever since I can remember I have stood up for the underdog and wanted to see equality in every nuance of life. Perhaps my birth sign has something to do with this... in my study of astrology I have found that Aquarians tend to display this virtue. Of course, I'm a cuspie so Capricorn rules me, also. My love of tradition must be part of that... and my desire for perfection. It took me many difficult years to discover that perfection isn't possible and to require it, in myself or others, was only causing problems.
I have been a Wiccan High Priestess since 1988, though my study of that religion began at age 12. I am proud of this achievement. I am proud of the Interfaith work I have been involved with. And my involvement with fighting for the rights of Pagan and Wiccan prisoners; with a colleague, I was instrumental in getting the Department of Corrections to include our faith in their Chaplin's handbook. My favorite thing that I've done since gaining my clergy status; performing weddings. As any other clergy person will no doubt agree, this is one of the best things about our vocation.
Perhaps most important, I am a Mother. Perhaps the most difficult thing about the state of the nation is trying to explain it to my daughter. How can you put into words the despair you feel, the hopelessness that sometimes washes over you at the report of yet another abomination perpetrated by the current Administration? How do you make a teenager comprehend? Her world is rapidly becoming a place that she and her peers will have to fix. How can I help make it less of a mess? Some days I feel like curling into a ball and weeping for the loss of my country. Of her country. My generation, as Genesis once said, would put it right. But we couldn't. We are still trying, though. Perhaps this is the legacy I gave her; the spirit to fight. To not allow this nation to become a police state. I gave her the gift of questioning. I pray that it will be enough.