The NYT ran an article today on the epidemic of depression and suicide among elderly gay people living in nursing homes–something I’ve never really thought about before, in spite of my general interest in gay issues. It was a particularly depressing article; showing how gays must not only deal with the general loneliness and depression that comes with old age, but also isolation and the disdain of their peers and caregivers.
The article discussed the option of creating gay only nursing homes. This immediately brought to mind Harvey Milk High School– a high school just for gay students in New York City. While I understand that gay teens can face isolation and extreme bullying from their peers (it is not surprising then that the number one cause of death of gay teens is suicide), I do not believe segregation is the solution. Gay teens must learn to live with a sometimes hostile society, just as much as the society must learn to accept the existence of gay people. That can never happen so long as gays and straights live in different and separate spheres.
Given my problems with gay segregation in schools, I was initially hesitant about the prospect of creating gay only nursing homes for the elderly. However in the end I think I’m coming down in support. While the attitudes toward homosexuality are becoming ever more accepting among the younger generations, it is not so for the older ones. And I can’t really see the older generations changing their minds after decades of believing that homosexuality is a mental disorder and a gross perversion. Additionally, since elderly gays are reaching the end of their lives, there is little value in learning to deal with and overcome discrimination. They should be allowed to enjoy the rest of their lives free from the isolation and depression that come with discrimination and bigotry.
There was one bit of the article that actually struck a hopeful note for me. The article interviewed an elderly gay man who was looking for a gay-friendly nursing home for his partner who could no longer feed himself or speak due to his advanced Alzheimer’s disease. He noted that the best he found was one run by Carmelite nuns, "because they had a sense of humor." I believe the Catholic Church and others would do well by taking an example from these Carmelite sisters, who offer love and kindness rather than condemnation and scorn.