I really don't want to give the details of how the call came about, but here is a transcript of a phone conversation I just had with Al Gore. This is verbatim. (I record all my calls. I don't care if it's illegal.)
Entire transcript, below...
[PHONE ringing. I answer.]
ME: Bob Johnson.
GORE: Bob! It's Al Gore!
ME: No fucking way.
GORE: Yes, fucking way! It's me!
ME: Okay, where is Tipper's mole?
GORE: On her left hip.
ME: Damn! It is you!
GORE: (LAUGHING) Yes, it is. (PAUSE) How do you know about Tipper's mole?
ME: It was long ago and far away. Not important. So what's up?
GORE: Well, I'm thinking of--
ME: Holy shit!
GORE: Huh?
ME: People are gonna' freak!
GORE: Look, I--
ME: Why are you telling me first?
GORE: Because I heard you know a lot about bikes.
ME: Bikes?
GORE: Yeah, I want to get a nice road bike. I have to lose some weight.
ME: Ah-ha! I knew it!
GORE: Knew what?
ME: Why would you be getting in shape?
GORE: Because I look like a beached whale right now?
ME: Oh. So you're not--
GORE: No, I'm not getting a mountain bike. I'm too old for single-track. I just want to ride on the road.
ME: Okay... I gotta' ask you this question.
GORE: What's that?
ME: What's the weather like where you are right now?
GORE: Too hot!
[BOTH laugh uproariously]
ME: Have you ruled out a run?
GORE: Not entirely.
ME: Jeeezuz Christ!
GORE: I mean, I might mix a little running in with the cycling, but my knees just can't take the pounding of running everyday.
ME: Oh.
GORE: So will you help me pick out a road bike?
ME: Sure. When are you going to be in Chicago?
GORE: Next Wednesday when I make my announcement.
ME: I knew it!
GORE: Yes, I will announce--
ME: I swear to god, I'm gonna' have a heart attack.
GORE: I will announce next Wednesday that I have accepted the draft--
ME: Oh, god...
GORE: -- the draft to be cycling ambassador to the world for the World Cycling Federation.
ME: Huh?
GORE: And, thus, the need for good road bike. On top of the fact that I look like a beached whale at present.
ME: You're a bigger tease than Tipper was in 1965.
GORE: We need to talk about that.
ME: I'll take you for a long ride down the lakefront once we get you a bike. We can talk then.
GORE: It's a deal.
ME: Any messages I can convey to my friends at Daily Kos?
GORE: Get on the bandwagon!
ME: Wow! Are you--
GORE: Ride your bike!
ME: See you next Wednesday.
GORE: Yes. Thanks. I really appreciate this. Bye.
ME: Bye.
[PHONE hang up]