I've read a few great articles lately about the email forward phenomenon in the Nation and the Washington monthly and noticed that I get alot of the same forwards from my own right wing uncle... Below is the latest with my own response. It's not great, I'll admit, but I got a few points across and made do with what I could while I'm here at work.
The one thing I'll say about this tactic from the right wing is that it shows them for who they are, lemmings truly unable to think for themselves... They substitute these forwards for actual rational and independent thought, creating a strange sort of groupthink that's at the same time sad and strangely fascinating...
OK, first his forward:
Something for Americans to ponder!
Or 22 ways to be a good liberal
22 WAYS TO BE A GOOD DEMOCRAT
- You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
- You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
- You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. Nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.
- You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
- You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.
- You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
- You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
- You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
- You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
- You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
- You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.
- You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
- You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
- You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and A.G. Bell.
- You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
- You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.
- You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been In charge.
- You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.
- You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
- You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.
- You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.
- You have to believe that it's okay to give Federal workers the day off on Christmas Day but it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas."
Ready to vote???
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And my response:
23 Ways to be a good republican (conservative)
- You have to love fetuses but hate actual children.
- You have to be willing to vote for someone who tells you that he wants to run a government that can't work.
- You have to believe that the cause of all of American's problems is that the wealthiest one percent of households don't have enough money.
- You have to believe that the solution to Global Warming, poverty, healthcare, pollution, disease, racism, sexism, animal cruelty, child abuse, third world hunger, first world hunger, obesity, gun violence, domestic violence, constipation and runny noses are: Tax cuts for the rich!
- You have to believe that the free market never fails, even when you can see it fail.
- You have to believe that George Bush is a brilliant public speaker.
- You have to believe that George Bush, Dick Cheney, Karl Rove and Rush Limbaugh are courageous and decorated soldiers and John Kerry is a coward.
- You have to believe that the government's only duty is to kill foreign people who frighten you.
- You have to believe that the only part of the Bill of Rights that the founders actually meant was the Second Amendment.
- You have to believe that the Constitution which only mentions religion to say that there should be no religious test for public office established America as a Christian nation.
- You have to believe that Brownie did a heck of a job.
- You have to believe that the people who turned record surpluses into record deficits are fiscally responsible.
- You have to believe that the only lies that are impeachable are the ones about blow-jobs.
- You have believe that polluting businesses would be more than happy to stop polluting if we just asked them to do so voluntarily.
- You have to believe that you can fix the problem of failing schools if we just took all of the money that we spend on education and give it to the private sector with no requirements that they have qualified teachers, meet basic curriculum standards, or otherwise meet any oversight requirements.
- You have to believe that a media owned largely by eight global corporations, one of which is also a major defense contractor, is liberally biased.
- You have to believe that Fox News is fair and balanced and that Rush Limbaugh would never lie to you, even when he does.
- You have to believe that college dropout Sean Hannity knows more about global climate change than the global scientific community.
- You have to believe that Dick Cheney is normal and a very nice person.
- You have to be willing to believe that waterboarding is not torture, and that detainees kept indefinitely are not prisoners.
- You have to believe that the Geneva Conventions are quaint.
- You have to believe that the greatest threat that America has ever faced comes from a cave in a country where electricity and indoor plumbing are still considered a "luxury".
- You have to be too dumb to come up with your own ideas and rely entirely on forwarded email messages for your talking points...
Now go vote!