It occured to me recently that with a lot of newspapers around the country following the big boys in the mainstream media and taking on bloggers as a new feature especially in their online versions, a number of Kossack diarists might be writing for a new audience. As a longtime (14 years) columnist for a small town southern weekly, the High Springs Herald (North Central Florida), I have garnered more than a little experience with regards to writing for people who don’t necessarily agree with a progressive point of view.
Fact is, a progressive writing for Daily Kos is preaching to the choir. Writing for a small town southern newspaper is anything but. In fact, a majority of the readership of the HSHerald and similar papers would consider liberal or progressive ideas anathema to everything they believe in. I mean, the religious columnist who quotes the New Testament and provides other Christians with the thought of the day is directly across the page from me. Although High Springs and its neighboring community of Alachua are home to a growing number of artists and other more liberal minded folks, for the most part this is still the Bible Belt.
It’s a situation that can present problems for a writer of progressive ilk. However, I have learned a few tricks over the years to survive and get my columns read. Here, then, are my tips for Kossacks who might want to venture into the exciting but precarious world of writing for the hinterlands.
Tip #1—never use words like "anathema."
It goes without saying that anathema is one of those elitist egghead words that immediately turn off readers who aren’t elitist eggheads. For that matter, "ilk" and "garner" are not far behind. When I write my columns, I try to gear them for my beer drinking buddies down at our local bar, the Sports Pub. I’m not talking about writing down to anyone. It has more to do with simply connecting. At the pub we get into some knock-down drag-out political arguments purely for fun and oratorical exercise. Everybody gets riled up, we all get our juices going, and nobody gets shot. It’s sport debating at its finest. But they—the bikers, construction-trade guys, service workers and self-employed types that habituate the Sports Pub—would laugh me out of the bar if I ever tried hitting them over the head with a word like anathema. In other words, you have to keep it real. Strangely enough, "habituate" works. Kind of has a folksy quality to it.
Tip #2 - don't take anything for granted.
Unlike the average Kossack, your readers are not political junkies. Don't assume they know anything of what you're writing about. You have to identify everything: sources, political figures, government agencies, pundits. For instance, If you quote someone like, say, Paul Krugman, you have to identify him as a columnist for the New York Times. Otherwise, a lot of your readers won't know who the hell you are talking about. They still won't, but now at least you've provided them with a context. Likewise, you can't assume they've been following recent developments in the never ending soap opera that is the news. In a recent column about the drumbeat to Iran, I sprinkled dated quotes from Bush administration officials throughout the column to make my argument that there was a concerted propaganda campaign underway. I couldn't assume my readers were aware of the current blitz.
Tip #3 - steer clear of religion.
This topic is like "walking on snowshoes through a minefield" as my editor once put it. By all means just stay away. Unless, of course, people are hiding behind religion to further a political agenda. Then they’re fair game (the Terry Schaivo episode comes to mind). But you should never, ever, ever make fun of someone’s deeply held religious beliefs or attack a particular religious denomination. You can make serious arguments that go up against religious doctrine, as I did once in a back-and-forth with a Catholic priest guest columnist over the topic of enforced clerical celibacy shortly after the Catholic Church’s sexual abuse scandal broke. Needless to say, he was for celibacy, I was against. We both made our points while keeping it respectful. No name-calling was involved. Which brings up my next point.
Tip #4 - you can’t say George Bush is a dickhead.
Much as I’d like to. Nor can you call him a prick, dickwad, asswipe, or fuckstick (god that feels good). You can maybe get away with jackass depending on the context. For that matter, bashing George Bush on a regular basis, even though he deserves it, is a sure way to turn off a vast majority of your readers. People will simply quit reading your columns if they feel all you ever do is attack George Bush. You have to mix it up. Throw Dick Cheney in every once in awhile.
Tip #5 - avoid the f-word.
This is kind of related to the last point. Profanity may be acceptable on left wing blog sites, not so in small town southern newspapers. Actually, my editor would never allow the f-word to get by him to begin with. Same goes for the s-word, c-word, b-word, mf-word, cs-word, and, most of the time, even the d-word. Although I did get away with a "damn" recently. Hell...I mean heck, I couldn’t get away with using the word "ass" in a column back in Feb. of 2000 even though I was quoting Governor Jeb Bush. He was caught on tape telling his aids to "Kick their asses out" when some citizens staged a sit-in protesting his anti-affirmative action policy. I might have gotten away with one use of the a-word in a quote, but I chose to pepper the column with the word. I figured that if our governor could use the word and be quoted all over the national media, I could use it to my heart’s content in a column. My editor thought otherwise. He replaced all the asses with "(expletive)s."
Tip #6 - keep it funny.
Humor is the great equalizer. You can get away with a lot more sedition if you make people laugh. Some of my most effective columns, from my point of view, have been the ones that poked fun at either hypocrisy or ineptitude on the part of those who rule our lives and make our laws. Even those people who don’t agree with you will read your column if you’re funny. Case in point, a column I wrote in September of ’02 at a time when most pundits were still unwilling to criticize the Bush administration for fear of appearing unpatriotic. I wrote a column titled "FBI Helpful Hints" directed toward John Ashcroft (similar in format to this diary actually). This was right after an embarrassing item in the news related how the FBI had turned over classified documents to accused terrorist Zacarias Moussaoui. In the column I offered constructive criticism to our then Attorney General to both help him avoid further embarrassment and wage a more effective war on terror. Stuff like: "Helpful Hint #1: if they’re terrorists, don’t give them classified documents." The whole column was tongue in cheek but it allowed me to get in some zingers pointing out incompetence without sounding like I was attacking America at a time of war.
Tip #7 - you can be funny, or you can be provocative. The one thing you can’t be is boring.
Self-explanatory. True for all pundits, columnists, diarists.
Tip #8 - never take on NASCAR.
The most hate mail I ever generated due to a column was in 2000 when I criticized the Holy Grail of southern sports entertainment, stock car racing. I had good points. I was attacking NASCAR’s safety record right after Adam Petty had died on a racetrack in New Hampshire. However, it didn’t matter what my points were; going after NASCAR was sacrilege. It might have helped if I hadn’t said "Machines moving at very high speeds around a circle, with very little else happening, is meager entertainment at best." One letter writer said I should have stopped right there. Without a passion for auto racing, I had no right to criticize. Well, within weeks another driver died on the same track and within a year the sport’s biggest star, Dale Earnhart was killed at Daytona. Then NASCAR got serious and instituted a number of safety changes. But there was no way I was going to write the "I told you so" column. Moral of the story: you have to pick your battles. The guys and gals down at the Sports Pub live for NASCAR. They do the pool bet every weekend. I’ve thrown in $5 myself on occasion to pull a driver’s name out of the hat (it makes cars going around in a circle slightly more interesting). Sunday in front of the tube watching races at the Sports Pub is like going to church for many of my local friends. You just don’t dis NASCAR in the rural South if you know what’s good for you. In the grand scope of things, I would have been better off picking a fight over something more earthshaking than NASCAR’s safety record.
That’s about it. There’s more I could bring up, but I think you all get the idea. Those of you who might be considering branching out as bloggers or columnists for hinterland newspapers, I encourage you to do so. We progressives can't just preach to the choir forever; we have to build a movement. That involves changing the minds of people who don't now agree with us.
There is one final point I’d like to make: just as you can’t write for the hinterlands like you write for Daily Kos, neither can you do it the other way around. I’ve written two diaries in the past year for this website, basically posting a couple of my columns with minor changes, and been roundly raked over the coals in the comments. Kossacks are a tough crowd. So maybe it’s not like preaching to the choir after all. Maybe it’s more like tossing red meat to lions.
Note: I'm going to try adding some links here to columns mentioned in this diary since I couldn't figure out how to place them in the text. Columns Drumbeat to Iran Ready to Rumble FBI Helpful Hints Modern Gladiators