It appeared that Glenn Greenwald's latest post on Salon, "Self-satire scales new heights," was a late April Fool's joke. So much so, that I actually went to WhiteHouse.gov to see if what he was quoting was accurate - a first for me. Glenn wasn't kidding. You can find the object of Glenn's ridicule on the White House Web site.
Glenn begins his post with, "It's genuinely hard to believe that the writers of George Bush's speech last night to the Federalist Society weren't knowingly satirizing him. They actually had him say this:"
When the Founders drafted the Constitution, they had a clear understanding of tyranny. They also had a clear idea about how to prevent it from ever taking root in America. Their solution was to separate the government's powers into three co-equal branches: the executive, the legislature, and the judiciary. Each of these branches plays a vital role in our free society. Each serves as a check on the others. And to preserve our liberty, each must meet its responsibilities -- and resist the temptation to encroach on the powers the Constitution accords to others.
"Then they went even further and this came out:"
The President's oath of office commits him to do his best to "preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States." I take these words seriously. I believe these words mean what they say.
"To top it all off -- by which point they must have been cackling uncontrollably -- they had him say this:"
Others take a different view. . . . They forgot that our Constitution lives because we respect it enough to adhere to its words. (Applause.) Ours is the oldest written Constitution in the world. It is the foundation of America's experiment in self-government. And it will continue to live only so long as we continue to recognize its wisdom and division of authority.
At this point in reading Glenn's post, I checked the date on the post and found it was posted Friday November 16, 2007 10:07 EST. That is when I began to suspect that it would be revealed later in the post that this was a "dream argument" or a late April Fool's joke.
Returning to Glenn's post, he said, "Here is the still-valid and binding September 25, 2001 Memorandum, written by then-Deputy Assistant Attorney General John Yoo, concerning Bush's view of his own power:"
In both the War Powers Resolution and the Joint Resolution, Congress has recognized the President's authority to use force in circumstances such as those created by the September 11 incidents. Neither statute, however, can place any limits on the President's determinations as to any terrorist threat, the amount of military force to be used in response, or the method, timing, and nature of the response. These decisions, under our Constitution, are for the President alone to make.
Glenn's commentary included citations where Yoo, presumably still a member of the Federalist Society,
"conclude[d] that the Constitution vests the President with the plenary authority, as Commander in Chief and the sole organ of the Nation in its foreign relations, to use military force abroad" and hailed "the President's inherent constitutional powers to use military force" free of Congressional interference.
along with this quote from that Memorandum:
The President's broad constitutional power to use military force to defend the Nation. . . would allow the President to take whatever actions he deems appropriate to pre-empt or respond to terrorist threats from new quarters.
Glenn's commentary omitted Bush's introductions of some of our more illustrious defenders of Civil Liberties in attendance:
Antonin Scalia, Clarence Thomas, John Roberts, Sam Alito, Mitch McConnell, Jeff Sessions, Ed Meese, and Ted Olson.
He omitted this jewel of an opening statement:
Members of the Federalist Society believe in a simple proposition: Our written Constitution means what it says. (Applause.) One would not call that a radical statement -- I certainly don't see how holding such a common-sense view can be considered controversial. I share your devotion to the Constitution --
Glenn also passed on another Bush quote:
In his confirmation hearings before the Senate, one judge I nominated to the bench used the analogy of a baseball umpire. He said, "Umpires don't make the rules, they apply them. The role of an umpire and a judge is critical. They make sure everybody plays by the rules." But when people see the umpire rooting for one team, public confidence in our courts is eroded, the sense of unfairness is heightened and our political debates are poisoned.
I wonder if Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas noted the irony of that statement, or if they have completely forgotten Bush v. Gore.
Glenn ended his commentary/satire with:
Tonight the President will give a speech warning of the evils of torture. Tomorrow night he will speak out against the immorality of deficit spending. And on Sunday he will vigorously condemn those who preemptively attack other countries. Then, next week, Rudy Giuliani -- with his his ex-mistress (and now-third-wife) in the other room -- will explain how vital it is to protect the sanctity of marriage. Oh, wait -- that was last month.