Last year I wrote a diary on my oldest daughter's birthday about giving her a better world for her birthday. On this birthday I have some different thoughts.
She would have been 27 today. A few days after she turned six, on Thanksgiving day, her little brother had a massive stroke and became severely disabled.
She did not have a normal childhood after that. She went from a tremendously social child to a child who shut herself in her room much of the time. But this is not the story of a child doomed to bitterness and misery. She shut herself in her room to write. She became an amazing writer -- using words in ways I've never seen elsewhere. She turned our family disaster into a new and creative way to deal with the world.
If I had to pick out two things that best represent my oldest daughter, I would first choose her writing. But the second thing, just as important, was her forgiving nature. She simply didn't hold a grudge. She was able to let go of insults, offenses. She liked people even if they hadn't earned her liking. And I think her ability to forgive was part of what allowed her to rise above her brother's tragedy and become the person she was. She could let things go.
She died in 1999. If she were here now, she would surely not be as political as I am. She would not be the activist her younger sister is. And I'm not going to pretend that I know who she would have chosen among the Democrats.
But here's what I imagine she'd say to me about the current crop of front-runners.
She'd say: don't judge Hillary by her over-composure. I, too was overly composed as a way to protect myself. Look instead at her excellent voting record and her history of supporting good causes.
She'd say: don't be so quick to condemn Obama for the McClurkin incident. It obviously was the wrong choice, but look at in the context of his great voting record, and his strong support of gay rights.
And she'd say: don't be too concerned about John Edwards' lack of experience and his more centrist record while in the Senate; he is the only candidate placing issues of poverty at the front of his campaign, and he has a long history of fighting corporations.
And I would add to the latter, Edwards knows what it's like to be poor and knows what it is to lose a child. This may not be a political consideration, but it is something that has shaped his character.
But in this political context, the main thing I take away from thinking about her and her life, is the absurdity of what we do on this site when we attack each other, when we accuse each others' candidates of being horrible, call them names, etc. When you have a terrible loss in life, it teaches you to think about what's really important, to stop obsessing over the petty details, the little nasties, and to concentrate on what's really meaningful. It's been almost 9 years since I lost her and I can't always maintain the focus on what's important that I learned from her and from our losing her. But that doesn't mean I won't keep trying.
So on this, her 27th birthday, I would like to give her our willingness to listen to others' points of view, to see what good qualities each of our candidates might bring to the Presidency (even while we choose the candidate we each feel brings the best), to be willing to forgive their mistakes, stupidities, and foolishness so long as in the main, they care about and will stand up for the important things: taking care of the most vulnerable in our society, ending the war and maintaining peace, protecting the environment, protecting our civil liberties, and supporting the health and education of our children.
UPDATE: Just read a piece on attacks by Hillary on Obama. A day or so ago, it was the other way around. Maybe our candidates could use a time out?