In a startling show of brinkmanship (so-called "sulfur diplomacy"), the commander-in-chief down there today offered a compromise to all those around the world still sitting on the fence:
The more you act up and misbehave on Earth, the better I'll treat you in hell and the more rights you'll have as my prisoners.
Some of you wussies are right on the line between making it to heaven but, for some laughable reason, don't pass judgement.
Well... let's just say you didn't do me many favors. That said, even you will have some rights: officially henceforth, you shall carry the title "Enemy Combatant" (and when I say "carry the title" I'm serious- the damn thing weighs about 400pounds)
When questioned about Bush, he pointed out that
[...] the way it looks now, the man will have the full rights of a prisoner and will be treated with a certain degree of respect. Perhaps I'll make him repeat "lessons of 9/11" for all eternity or something nice in that regard. That seemed to be something he really got a kick out of doing on Earth, so I'm sure he'll be "down" with that.
Shortly after making the last statement, he asked "Get it? I said I'm sure he'll be down with that. HAA! HA! HAA! disappeared with a roaring laugh into a puff of smoke.
We now ask our readers: why was the devil so confident? This is how a few of them have so far responded...
Thou shalt not make wrongful use of the name of thy God.
- Please, stop claiming someone called "God" told you to invade a foreign country. - Johnson in Iowa
Thou shalt not steal
- No more blood for oil. - dude from Oklahoma
Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor
- Confession of responsibility on the outing of Valerie Plame - Freddy Fergesson
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house
- Some call them the elite... in any case, most of them are people who got where they are by coveting their neighbors' houses. Remove these people from your "base". - anonymous in Amarillo
Are we edging closer to a moment in the near future where someone breaks down and has a teary-eyed confession like this-