Well, now we know how much Republicans pay for their taxpayer funded prostitutes: $600/per.
There’s no doubt in the Duke/Wilkes/Foggo case who really paid for Duke’s "companions" while he was in Hawaii. Brent may have written the check, but since he only sold stuff to the Defense Department (whether it needed it or not), this is a shameful waste of taxpayers’ money. This gives a new meaning to the "$600 screwdriver" that was decried in the past, don’t you think?
Fortunately, Duke is gone, and we now have that crusader for truth and justice in his place: former lobbyist Brian Bilbray. He of all people should be feeling the heat from the Duke-Stir scandal, because he’s in the Duke’s old seat, and we are in an area that is so supportive of and dependent on the Navy and Marines.
However, it simply is not realistic to think that Republicans would give up their hookers altogether, is it? If they did, they’d be forced to have mistresses, and that has just not proven to be a very wise course of action. Mistresses torpedoed a number of Republicans in the November elections. Rudy Giuliani, for example, will be trying to distance himself from both his own mistress problems, and those of his old buddy, Bernie Kerik. Hookers just make more sense for these guys. What else would you expect them to do, have sex with their own wives?
So, there must be a middle ground for Republicans that feigns allegiance (at least publicly) to "family values," creates the impression that they have fiscal responsibility, and still allows them to do what Republicans do (i.e. whatever they want).
Further, Brian Bilbray needs some credibility on some other issue besides hating Mexicans. Although he’s fulfilled his major post-campaign pledge (giving a 5 minute speech on illegal immigration, which we know now completely solved the problem) he’s got to show that he’s not just a "5 minute man."
Here’s what I suggest Brian Bilbray can do:
Brian Bilbray must pledge, and invite all other Republican members of Congress to pledge, that they will not accept services from prostitutes paid for by defense contractors that cost any more than the average price paid by our brave Marines on Hill Street in Oceanside, California (next to Camp Pendleton).
This will show everyone that the Republicans mean business. First, they are supporting our troops: if it’s good enough for the Marines, it’s good enough for Congress. Second, I will guess that the price paid by taxpayers for Republican members of Congress to get their rocks off will decrease by at least a factor of 5, and perhaps 10, demonstrating their commitment to fiscal responsibility and stamping out waste, fraud, and abuse. Third, this pledge will requre them to embark on "fact-finding" missions, to determine the average price to pay, which will have the added benefit of stimulating the local economy in Oceanside. Finally, they can dispense with their mistresses, because they really had no other use for them anyway.
I realize that the high cost of living in the San Diego area may present a problem for some members of the Republican delegation, especially in some areas of the South. In that case, those members could pledge to abide by a price no higher than that paid outside of Camp Lejune.