From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
I've said it for years: this country would be far better off if every teenager had to live in a foreign country for a minimum of two years. The four that I spent in (then West) Germany in the `70s was the biggest eye-opener of my life. So we were pleased to read this in comedian Lewis Black's new book (currently #20 on the NYT bestseller list), "Nothing's Sacred"...
"The trip [to Europe in the 60's] was an experience that has informed the way I look at things. There is a world out there, and people don't look at everything the way we do.
"That trip taught me that everyone should get out of the country and see other parts of the world. It's pretty sad that President Bush the Junior never had the intellectual curiosity to go abroad until he was in office. I still wonder how you can elect a leader of the free world who has never seen the world. For God's sake, the man never even made it to Canada. That's almost impossible. Even drunk on a bet you can make it to Canada.
"If you don't go and see the rest of the world, you don't realize that they have something America does not---and that is culture. We don't have that. We are too young a nation to have a culture. The closest we come is when we leave yogurt in the fridge too long."
Hey now...don't forget our culture of life. (Ow! Who threw that?!!) Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, April 11, 2005...
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By the Numbers:
Days til taxes are due: 4
Days `til Passover: 12
Amount that George W. Bush has taken from the "worthless" Social Security trust fund to pay for his budgets since taking office: $639 billion
(Source: Joe Conason on Air America Radio)
Amount spent on Molly & Vegas's annual vet checkups Saturday: $495
Number of lashes given to a group of Saudi men who were caught `acting like women': 14,600
Number of times a CBS announcer said "He needs to make this putt" during Masters golf tournament coverage: 149
Number of letters in "Assrocket": 9
Your Puppy Pic of the Day How desperate is the Air Force getting meet its recruiting goals? Pretty desperate.
CHEERS to sweatin' in the ring. A Republican insider tells Newsweek that Senate minority leader Harry "Truman" Reid's Rope-A-Dope strategy is making the GOP "...a little bit nervous. And with good reason." We may be the little guy, but we can still deliver a blistering left hook.
CHEERS to smart mobs. In Vatican City Friday, President Bush was roundly booed when his face appeared on the large-screen monitors during the Pope's funeral. Meanwhile, former president Clinton was almost crushed by a throng of well-wishers. Say what you want about the Italians...at least they know the difference between a rock head and a rock star.
JEERS to freedom of religion (as long as it's mine). George W. Bush Friday on respecting the diverse religious views of U.S. citizens: "There is no doubt in my mind there is a living God. And no doubt in my mind that the Lord, Christ, was sent by the Almighty. No doubt in my mind about that. That's important for you to make sure you get that part of the dialogue correct, if you don't mind". Ah...that explains the sandbags in front of the temples this morning.
CHEERS to wedding bells. Charles and Camilla got married on Saturday. And now they're holed up in the honeymoon suite at the Sheffield Ramada Inn licking chocolate sauce off each other. But we were hauled off before we could see what they planned to do with the pineapple. Damn your efficiency, Scotland Yard!
JEERS to wedding bells. The New York Times reports that Arthur Finkelstein---one of the guys who helped build the political machines that supported Jesse helms and other rabid, anti-gay politicians---got married at his home in Massachusetts. To a dude. We hope he wrenched his back while carrying his hubbie over the threshold.
CHEERS to tattletales. Especially when it's Jack Abramoff, the guy who seems ready to squeal on his buddy, Tom Delay : "Delay knew everything. He knew all the details." I've been meaning to ask you guys where you want to have the party when House Republicans roll him down the capital steps on trash pickup day. Perhaps a nice Texas-style steakhouse?
CHEERS to changes of heart. The latest Republican to advocate lifting the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy is Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen of Florida: "We investigate people. Bring them up on charges. Basically wreck their lives. ... People who've signed up to serve our country. We should be thanking them." No...thank you.
JEERS to traitors. Well, what would you call a right-wing mob who wants to impeach a Supreme Court justice and dismantle the judicial branch of government? Yes...but we're a family column and we can't print that here.
CHEERS to [insert clichéd Tiger reference here. Be sure to include the word "hunt" or "tail"]. Woods wins his fourth Masters in a playoff at Augusta National. We feel bad for the runner-up, Chris DiMarco. I mean, what can you buy with a measly $756,000 anymore??
JEERS to Emily Hoffman. The new midday Air America newscaster---who replaced Joanne Allen---consistently injects partisan comments into her top-hour news. Hey, leave that to the guys on the other team. Just the facts, ma'am, just the facts.
CHEERS to earthly rumblings. Our garden is finally stirring. Now showing: a couple purple periwinkle blooms. Hip hip hooray...that's our signal to pull the leopard-skin thongs out of mothballs!
CHEERS to Kossacks rolling around in Jell-O. Hey, we haven't ruled out anything (yet) for the 2006 Kos Convention. Click here and pre-register now...even if you're not sure you're going. But for the record: the Jell-O pit won't be the same without ya.
C&J Flashback: April 11, 2004...
JEERS to the IRS. Are you sitting down? They're now auditing more individuals, fewer businesses. Who's running this country, anyw... Oh, never mind. Here's my butt...take your flesh.
JEERS to gated communities. The Associated Press says they're falling apart and becoming hotbeds of neighbor hostilities. You mean a wall and a security booth won't stop people from being lazy, self-centered assholes? C&J is shocked...SHOCKED!
And just one more...
JEERS to the worst music video of all time. (Via Atrios) Please...tell me there's something in the Geneva Convention that forbids this kind of thing. And remember kids, from now on we're the United States of "Ameruhkuh."
Floor's open. What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's shameless testimonial:
"I think Bill in Portland Maine will have a clear legacy of peace, compassion, and a strong legacy of setting a snarky tone."
George W. Bush
4/8/05
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