I head this joke yesterday. A man and a woman walk into a convenience store and ask the clerk,. "Would you please microwave our fake penis?" And the clerk asks, "You have a fake penis?" Where upon the guy holds up a big rubber penis. And the clerk says, "How hot do you want it?" And girl says, "Well, we need to get it up to body temperature." The clerk thinks about this for a minute, and then he says, "Okay." So he pops the big rubber penis in the microwave behind the counter for about 20 seconds. And as he is handing it back the clerk says, "Look, I don't mean to pry but..." And the guy says, "My girl friend has a tox screen in about fifteen minutes. So I filled this up with my urine and..."And the clerk holds up his hand and tells the guy, "Excuse me for a moment."
The clerk then unplugs the microwave and drops it into the trash can. Then the clerk calls the cops and the guy, Vince Bostic from Pittsburg, and his girl friend, Leslye Creighton from Wilkensberg, Pennsylvania are both arrested for criminal mischief and damaging the microwave with their urine filled penis. Their defense attorney, William Difenderfer, plans to base his defense on his clients' lack of intent. Get it?...Their lack of intent.
I think as a defense that lacks conviction, so to speak. My wife has always said that if the cops have video of you stealing the Hope diamond, while wearing a T-shirt that reads, "Hope diamond robbery tour, oh six", deny it. If they have your fingerprints on the display case the diamond was in,...deny it. If they have the plans for the robbery in your desk, on your stationary with your signature on the bottom, deny it. If they find the Hope diamond up your colon; deny it. That is a defense that shows conviction.
Philadelphia City Councilman Rick Mariano has conviction like that. Yes, last year just before his indictment he had to literally be talked down off the roof, but since his indictment he has acquired conviction. And that's a good thing, because so far two guys have already pleaded guilty to having bribed him with $30,000, a former staff member, Anna Davila, will testify that Mariano yelled at her for not doing favors for those men, and two other staff members, Walt De Treux and John Lisko, will testify that Mariano confessed to them that he took the bribes. A bookkeeper, Ms. Maggie Greer, will testify that her boss paid off $23,000 of Mariano's credit card debt in exchange for voiding a city air pollution violation.
The Federal Prosecutors have bank slips signed by Mariano depositing the bribes in his personal bank accounts, covered with Mariano's fingerprints. And they have other, similar, notes discussing the cover up of the bribes. They have Mariano's public speeches and actions fulfilling the conditions of the bribes. And they have political disclosure forms which show he never declared the money as political donations or income.
Councilman Mariano has not only pled "not guilty", but he even plans to attack. His first target will be the accountant, Ms. Greer. It seems she had been charged with 95 felony counts for embezzling $42,000 from Erie Steel and it was only after those were reduced to a single misdemeanor that she told investigators how Erie's president, Philip Chartock, had paid off the Councilman's credit card. More, Mariano will charge that the gift might be a quid but there was no quo. Mariano had always intended to request voiding those air pollution fines. So there was no "intent" to defraud the voters.
No surprise, Mr. Chartock agrees. He told the Philadelphia Inquirer, "The air-management issue was just a paperwork thing. There's no hanky-panky here...Rick needed a loan. He was my friend. I knew him from the neighborhood going way back."
As for his two staffers, Mr. De Treux and Mr. Lisko; after his indictment Mariano fired them both. They then sued the city for improper termination and the city settled surprisingly quickly, for $280,000. That, claims Mariano, was actually a bribe to the two men from his enemies in City Hall.
And Ms. Davilo, who told investigators Mariano had verbally abused her; the Councilman not only fired her too but he turned her in. Ms. Davilo had pulled some strings herself and bought a house for one dollar.
It remains to be seen if Mariano's allegation that he has been put upon by evil sinful people will actually work, but he is playing it to the hilt. Last week, as he left the city council chambers he claimed to have been tripped by a member of the media. He cried out, grabbed his knee and fell down. The hospital could find no injury, but Councilman Mariano is now limping and walking with a cane.
There's no word on what he intends to do next.