Democrats Lose Primaries
WASHINGTON, DC--In a surprising last-minute upset, all seven Democratic presidential hopefuls somehow lost the Democratic primaries Tuesday.
"While it's true that the Democratic Party has been struggling to find a strong voice, you can imagine our surprise when results indicated that John Kerry, Howard Dean, Wesley Clark, Joe Lieberman, and John Edwards all failed to carry a single primary," American Research Group political analyst Dick Bennett said late Tuesday. "Oh, and Al Sharpton and Dennis Kucinich, too."
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"Well, we certainly can't blame this one on the Republicans," Democratic National Convention head Terry McAuliffe said. "I guess we have to blame the candidates? Organizers like myself? Negative campaigning? The media?"
McAuliffe said candidates will have to consider how it will look to Americans that Democrats lost in a voting situation where only Democrats were on the ballot.
"While we weren't sure who would win in November, our party really thought we had this one in the bag," McAuliffe said. "But we're not a group that puts its tail between its legs and runs. There's still time to get the message out there: Vote Democrat for Democrat."
Several pundits have already called the Democratic primary loss the worst defeat in the party's history. Appearing on CNN, political analyst Larry Sabato said the results indicate a "combination of voter caution--with voters hesitant to cast votes when no one candidate stands out--and complete and utter mathematic improbability."
"The Democratic Party is in damage-control mode right now," Sabato said. "But remember, that's a mode they're familiar with. They're definitely on the home court here."