I wrote a diary a week or so ago about the politenesses of our university system. That was directed toward students. This one is also directed at students, from a prof and focuses on one topic that is already coming up in my academic life (and it is only mid August!). Someday soon I will write one for faculty.
This is a more focused diary and may well be a bit more controversial because I am going to present things you really should do to assure a good letter of recommendation (in my case for admission to graduate schools) and reasons you might not get it. This is also a rather more grumpy diary. (But then Dr. Boardman is not looking forward to next week, when she starts her year. She has nothing to wear...)
So -- I am sure you know the basics but here are my suggestions (these examples are all ones that have happened to me several times in my many years of teaching).
Ask me if I will write you a letter; don't tell me you need one and demand I write it. Generally, you will know me well enough to know that I will write a good one for you. If I don't know you well enough, and I ask you if you really don't have someone who can write you one who knows your performance in the major you have chosen, it is a warning sign that I really won't be able to write you a glowing letter. The best spin you can put on that is that I don't know you well enough, or at least I don't think I know you well enough.
Give me plenty of time to write the letter. A couple of months is best. Remind me a month in advance, and check a couple of days before the deadline to be sure that it has arrived at its destination if you are not sure. I had a letter of recommendation not make it to my preferred grad school program, preventing my inclusion in the pool of eligible-for-funding that first year (it worked out in the long run, but that is a long and not-very-interesting story). So I am not offended at being reminded. In fact, it is helpful. But if your prof sounds grumpy when you remind him or her, then don't do it again (just check more carefully at the end destination!).
I prefer -- MUCH prefer -- to send a letter directly to the university rather than give it to you to send. I know some schools will not accept them if they come from me, but there are very few places that do it that way. The reason for this is that I had written one for a student once and she decided at the last minute to apply to a different university, and thus didn't send it. She returned it to me with the request for another set of letters to another set of universities. The letter was opened (I had sealed it and signed across the seal), included in the envelope with the new set of applications, with a post-it note attached, saying "in case you forgot what you wrote last time, I am returning this to you." I do not have so many letters that I want to put a generic letter of recommendation on file, or even worse, send it to you to include with other applications. I will write the letters you need me to. Individually. But I want them to be confidential (I very much like you to sign that little line accepting that this is confidential), and I will not give you a copy of the letter. If you don't trust me to tell you no, I do not feel comfortable writing you a good letter of recommendation, if I don't feel able to write you a good one, then go to someone else. My letter of recommendation is putting me and my university on the line. I will not lie about you, or to you.
It is polite to give me an envelope that is addressed, and has a stamp on it. Yes, my university will pay for the letter being mailed. But it is polite (remember, this is an etiquette diary) to pretend that you are making it as easy for me as possible. Besides, I may end up writing them away from campus, and mailing them before I get back.
If you have been out of my classes for some time (whether while still a student, or if you have been out of school for a while and are going back to school and need a letter from me), please provide me with a brief synopsis of what you have done -- perhaps a resume, a reminder of the classes I had with you, and a statement of what you want to achieve in graduate school. That is all really helpful. If you have sent me a note once a year or so, keeping me up to date with what you are doing (some students, often former advisees, do this, and I do care!), it is easier for me to know who you are.
If you have chosen to write an elaborate critique of the course and made nasty comments about it and about me on some course/professor evaluation venue (on the internet or at the university), do not assume that I do not know this. While this does not affect your grade (teaching you is my job and I will do that regardless of anything else), it does reflect on you and on our relationship. It is probably not a good idea to vent non-professionally in such a public place. I might see it. Your MySpace page where you talk about how much you hated me personally might actually be something I saw. You never know... Four years later, coming back to me to ask me for a letter of recommendation, I may well remember that more than anything else about you. In these cases, I will say no, I am not able to write a letter about you, and will probably not say anything else.
If I do write you letters, you should say thank you. In a note (it can be email, but a better way to do it is snail mail), not over the phone, or just dropping by my office or stopping me in the hall. It is a favour to you, one of those things that we do as faculty. It is one that by the time I agree to write one, I am happy to do, because I know you have earned the letter. But it is still polite for you to thank me for the effort, as each letter is individually composed, and sent/addressed separately.
Finally, please tell me what happened to your applications. I need to know both in terms of how my students are doing, and to know what my letters have managed. If you do well, we all benefit. Once you go to that grad school, send me a note some time in the next year to let me know what is good and bad about it, how you are doing, how your training at my university prepared you for that one. This all helps me advise future students, and makes me feel good about writing letters for them. Besides, you may want a letter from me again in the future.
Thank you for listening to grumpy Annette. I now return you to your real life.