Gonzales Does Not Remember Resigning

Washington, Aug. 27 (crAP) --  Former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, five minutes after having submitted his resignation  to President George W. Bush, was asked by a passer-by whether the rumor was true that he had resigned.

"I have no memory of having submitted such a letter or of having any conversation with the President about anything at all," Mr. Gonzales replied.

The former Attorney General immediately returned to his office at the Department of Justice, though he could not remember what he was supposed to do there.

Senator Leahy (D-Vt.) stated that "Mr. Gonzales' actions and behavior seem awfully suspicious.  If he has resigned, why wasn't Congress told?  I need to start drafting some more subpoenas immediately or do something else threatening."

President Bush, through a statement issued by former (wink, wink) administration bad guy Karl Rove, said that whether Mr. Gonzales has indeed resigned is a matter of Executive Privilege, and no one, especially Senator Leahy, has any damn right to know whether it really happened.

Fox News immediately began labeling anyone who talks about the resignation as a surrender monkey.

On Wall Street, prices went sideways.

•  Surreal jar n/t

  by A Mad Mad World on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 05:28:09 AM PDT

  •  Thanks. I needed that. n/t

    by Clem Yeobright on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 05:29:22 AM PDT

    •  It's good to lighten the mood

      before the other shoe drops.  We have learned, lo these many years, that this gang never ever gives us a freebie.  They toss out the good news, we revel in it, celebrating with all of our might, and then we are fed the bad news.  So party down because the "worse and getting worser" part is coming.  Inevitably.

      by vigilant meerkat on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 05:47:14 AM PDT

      •  my thoughts exactly

        by lisastar on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 05:50:28 AM PDT

        •  OK, now that's some funny shyt

          I blew tea through my nose onto my keyboard when I read the Title of this diary.  Please, be carefuly with such powerful snark.

          by Ken in Tex on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 05:53:20 AM PDT

          •  Ken, you were lucky

            This is weapons-grade snark
            and most unprepared people
            have far worse reactions. If you find yourself in the middle  of reading some weapons-grade snark, you have only a few moments to avoid the worse. Start by telling yourself that this nighmare will be over by January 2009. The sense of relief should be enough to overcome the effects of most weapons-grade snark.

            by igneous on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 09:35:25 AM PDT

          •  I hope that means that you were drinking tea

            at the time.  Otherwise, you need to see a doctor.

            by Major Danby on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 10:57:44 AM PDT

        •  Yeah, it's only Monday so far

          by C Barr on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 07:27:51 AM PDT

          •  And Vick has found Jesus! n/t

            by Lipstick Liberal on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 08:38:10 AM PDT

            •  But has Vick found the mature Jesus or the

              immature Jesus?

              by Dave the Wave on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 09:46:36 AM PDT

              •  I think it's the Jesus...

                that said: "Blessed are you poor, for yours is the kingdom of God."

                That man just went from being a multi-millionaire to being broke and about to serve jail time...

                by wry twinger on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 10:13:15 AM PDT

                •  Hmmmm.... nice thought....

                  Actually, I really hope Vick (who seems possibly to have a kernel of goodness in him--possibly) has found something meaningful to help him to a better path.

                  And blessings on all the poor, whoever and wherever they be.

                  by nicejoest on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 02:11:53 PM PDT

                  •  let's all hug now. pffft.

                    by FireCrow on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 02:41:31 PM PDT

      •  Then I'd better party while I still can...

        ...'cause is the only chance I'm gonna get.

        by Transplanted Texan on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 06:51:28 AM PDT

      •  re: the other shoe dropping

        I think the timing has everything to do with the upcoming 'Petraeus' Iraq War assessment.

        Got to hand it to George W. He's always a day late and a dollar short when it comes to making right decisions, but he sure knows how to lie.

        by phoenixdreamz on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 07:04:53 AM PDT

        •  Lie, Deny, and Counter-Accuse....................

          And not necessarily in that order.

          by duckhunter on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 07:11:39 AM PDT

          •  If only...

            it wasn't so apparent that Bush was auditioning for a spot on the next "Survivor" cast...

            by kmiddle on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 07:34:48 AM PDT

      •  Damn realists! ------n/t

        by Gorette on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 07:09:06 AM PDT

      •  And so much better

        For your health than the old Soviet reaction to a f*cked up government that lies to you----VODKA!  More!  MORE!

        by Margot on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 07:37:29 AM PDT

      •  another tragic case of early onset Alzheimer's

        to add to Ronald Reagan's and so many other prominent republicans.  Someday I hope we find a reason for this unusual correlation of AD with this political party.

        by dlcox1958 on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 03:42:24 PM PDT

  •  IF

    a meeting did occur at which a decision was made that AGAG would resign, I am sure no one was present.  Hopefully no one that was there took any notes.  

    by mcinma on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 05:30:21 AM PDT

    •  Gonzales' replacement is classified

      An attorney general has been named as a recess appointment, but the Bush administration is claiming executive privilege in refusing to name him or her.

      "The identity of the Attorney General is protected under the right of the President to receive free and unfettered advice, and disclosing the AG's identity would compromise that process," said White House spokesman Gordon Johndroe.  "Besides, the terrrists would know our plans if they knew who was running the Department of Justice."

      Senate Majority Leader Reid was "shocked, shocked" when hearing that the White House had reneged on its deal not to name recess appointments in August.  "I am amazed that President Bush would go back on his word," he continued.

      Senator Patrick Leahy released a statement:  "The Judiciary Committee will continue to wave subpoenas at Mr. Gonzales, and maybe we'll get around to investigating whether he lied to Congress.  But the people's business must go on."

      Speaker Pelosi could not be reached for comment.

      by Dallasdoc on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 05:49:54 AM PDT

      •  pols

        I hope our politicians are reading this thread.

        by OLinda on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 07:24:40 AM PDT

        •  Our politicians

          are LIVING this thread...

          by mmacdDE on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 01:31:58 PM PDT

      •  According to Fox News, The Presicdent has decided

        that only he has unique quakilifuckations to carry out the responsibilities of the AG and he would therefore be eleminating the position while taking on the tasks himself. In an exclusive interview with Britt Humorless he said

        "It's like this, see, and stay with be Hummy, because this is complicated stuff, since I am the decider anyway, you know the decider decides everything right, I decided that we had two deciders and that just isn't fair to the American ppeople. And let's face it, the American People have not caught a break since 9/11. Heh heh come to think of it neither have I. So I have decided to extend my vacation just a few more days, see, because when I return to, where is it again? oh yeah, yeah, The White House, I am going to have to put in 8 hours a day. It's hard Hummy, its hard"

        To which Britt Humorless responded "The American people can always count on you Mr. Preseident and I wojld personally like to kiss you"

        by notimportant on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 08:57:52 AM PDT

        •  Faux News update

          I never watch Faux News, but I seem to have developed a minor ability to channel both the Faux News and the Republick National Committee talking points.

          What I see now, emerging from the haze, is a statement calling all comments by Democrats and "left-leaning bloggers" about the Gonzales resignation nothing more than "PARTISAN ATTACKS".

          They also will claim that "Democrats are stuck in reverse, looking backward, unable to move on and deal with the real problems of the nation."

          by JTML on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 01:40:06 PM PDT

          •  hmmm are you sure you don't work at Fox?

            by notimportant on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 05:00:39 PM PDT

      •  Great snark, at least I hope it turns out

        to be snark.

        by StrayCat on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 10:22:07 AM PDT

        •  thanks my first attempt at snark

          shows you what watching Jon Stewart can do for your skill set!

          by notimportant on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 11:19:43 AM PDT

      •  WH blames dems

        The white house press secretary defended the decision not to publicly name the new AG, "Congress' insistance that the President not name recess appointments is responsible for the classification of the new attorney general's name.  Had congressional leaders negotiated in good faith, we could and would have freely named the new attorney general."

        by eyesoars on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 10:46:56 AM PDT

        •  you are serious and mine was snark

          oh boy

          by notimportant on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 11:20:55 AM PDT

          •  Welcome to Bizarroland.

            Bizarroland is, BTW, scheduled to close January 20, 2009.

            by blue vertigo on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 01:24:46 PM PDT

    •  No one knows

      how Abu G's name got on the resignation list.

      Not even the aggregator.

      by ReEnergizer on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 06:32:00 AM PDT

    •  No, no, no. He doesn't remember if such

      a meeting took place, so he couldn't possibly no whether or not anyone was present or if anyone took notes.
      Please, remember how to forget things properly.

      by teresahill on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 07:36:02 AM PDT

      •  Geez. It's early. Know. He doesn't KNOW.

        by teresahill on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 07:56:35 AM PDT

      •  That's the Dems' major problem

        We always forget to remember how to forget things properly.

        by Timroff on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 08:56:26 AM PDT

  •  And thanks for asking

    Yes, the Justice Department is functioning fine.

    by OldYellerDog on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 05:32:46 AM PDT

  •  Actually, he doesn't remember

    whether he recalls or not.  It's possible he recalls, but he just can't remember.  And sometimes he can't recall whether he remembers.  

    by vigilant meerkat on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 05:43:53 AM PDT

    •  Doesn't remember being Attorney General

      all he can actually remember was something about being Dubya's BFF just before getting his finger pricked and having to wipe it on Dubya's thumb.  After that, everything is hazy.

      by Mad Kossack on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 05:52:48 AM PDT

      •  LOLOLOL

        Indeed, it was all just a blur.  Everything has been moving way too fast for the little guy.  He's absolutely breathless (speechless) for quite some time now.

        by vigilant meerkat on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 06:28:08 AM PDT

    •  And he will have to get back to you next week

      to confirm or deny whether he can recall, remembering that he forgot what he denied last week.  

      by Do Tell on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 06:03:20 AM PDT

      •  It's all so confusing

        I hope they have a nice, quiet little room waiting for him.  He needs some down time, a little time to let his brain catch up with all the spinning.  It's all jumbly in there.

        by vigilant meerkat on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 06:30:39 AM PDT

        •  Since they have "Fredo like" taken him out and

          shot him, drowned him, threw him under the proverbial bus, I think that there will be no Medal of Freedom for poor Gonzo, and a nice quiet little room will be in order as he will not be able to be seen out in public with Bush again.

          They didn't even use the tired "Resigning to spend time with his family" this time.  

          by Do Tell on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 10:46:40 AM PDT

          •  He doesn't recall

            having a family to spend time with. He's just going to resign and go into an empty world of oblivion where he becomes like "Mr. Short Term Memory" on Saturday Night Live.

            by Wendy in FL on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 02:51:46 PM PDT

    •  He is aware of remembering not recalling

      by geomoo on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 10:01:46 AM PDT

      •  but he may still be heading the other agency

        the President was speaking of when he was saying DOJ.  He can't say any more than that.

        by geomoo on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 10:04:44 AM PDT

  •  Since we're being surreal...

    How many Attorneys General does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    ...

    ...

    ...

    Fish!

    by Devin on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 05:44:27 AM PDT

    •  I cannot respond

      due to an ongoing investigation.

      by Debbie in ME on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 05:46:00 AM PDT

      •  Involving highly classified information.

        by vigilant meerkat on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 05:48:51 AM PDT

        •  And national security

          by Ken in Tex on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 05:54:37 AM PDT

          •  "9/11"

            covers it all.

            by NYFM on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 06:31:51 AM PDT

            •  plus it's Clinton's fault n/t

              by bleeding heart on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 07:24:37 AM PDT

              •  Answering that would help the terrists n/t

                by jaslusher on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 08:39:52 AM PDT

    •  Sorry, Executive Privilege nt

      by Transplanted Texan on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 06:52:47 AM PDT

  •  So, Alberto is right now wandering DC

    trying to find his office?

    by FXDCI on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 05:51:32 AM PDT

    •  No. He's looking for Karl. n/t

      by bleeding heart on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 07:25:27 AM PDT

      •  He's out Roving...(n/t)

        by wry twinger on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 10:39:06 AM PDT

  •  I could easily see forgetting about Gonzales

    after he is locked up in jail.

    by redhaze on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 05:52:15 AM PDT

    •  Well I sure hope not

      Future Presidents and AGs need to remember that you do indeed get caught and you are indeed forced to resign. This needs to be a precedent.

      by Transplanted Texan on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 06:50:46 AM PDT

  •  There is a crowd

    clustered around my computer screen, giggling repeatedly at your title.  Rec'd for that, alone.  <g>

    by Granny Doc on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 05:57:09 AM PDT

  •  You get a rec just for the title

    of your diary. I laughed out loud.

    by lcbo on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 06:38:07 AM PDT

  •  Best DK Humor of the Week Award

    Niiice, very niiice, thank you!

    You know what might help Abu remember? The cartoons say if one jolt to the head makes you forget, another makes you remember... so maybe if the Dickmonster shot him in the face... heck, we'd even get an apology out of him that way!

    by Transplanted Texan on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 06:49:50 AM PDT

  •  Here's your surreality™

    

    by KingOneEye on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 08:14:49 AM PDT

    •  Talk about

      Gonzo Journalism!

      by Andrew C White on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 08:37:04 AM PDT

      •  Heh n/t

        by A Mad Mad World on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 09:02:21 AM PDT

    •  Now that's first-class!

      Especially with the little figure off to the - uh - left.

      by Creosote on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 12:17:24 PM PDT

  •  Fish

    hlör u fang axaxaxas mlö
    .

    by Grand Moff Texan on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 08:23:36 AM PDT

    •  curse you

      making me chase down "Upward, behind the onstreaming, it mooned."

      by wystler on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 09:30:58 AM PDT

      •  Actually

        the whole short story is worth a read.
        .

        by Grand Moff Texan on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 10:45:37 AM PDT

  •  great way to wake up Thanks!

    by notimportant on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 08:41:39 AM PDT

  •  What a wonderful way to start a day!

    I just woke up to the headline on my computer "Alberto Gonzales steps down as attorney general." I like this version much better.

    by hungrycoyote on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 10:15:42 AM PDT

  •  I think that was a great diary

    but I forgot what was written.  My tummy however has the kind of slightly sore feeling I have after laughing very hard..  But then maybe I am just having a Chertoff level gut feeling:

    

    Chertoff having a gut level feeling.

    or maybe I've a shirtoff feeling gut levels?
    I do know that if Chertoff gets nominated and installed
    I'll have a sick gut level feeling..

    by ilyana on Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 04:09:04 PM PDT

•  I laughed and laughed