This morning I was thinking about how blind 51% of Americans are to who George W. Bush really is and what he wants to accomplish as President, which led me to ponder what it would be like if he actually had the power to carry out his entire personal agenda ... here it is in exaggerated form.
First of all, by law, all Americans will be soldiers because war can be waged at George's whim and we need one hella big military. The Italian Prime Minister slighted him at a dinner? Wham! Canada criticizes the US government's investment in new technology called 'gaydar'? Pow! Prince William says he likes hanging out with Jenna but doesn't think she's 'Queen of England material'? Zap! Plus, we will need a nation of soldiers to protect us from all other nations in the world, which George has pissed off one-by-one on a bet from Dick Cheney (He won $5.00 and a 'Staff 2001' baseball cap. Those silly boys!)
To stop the lies of liberal bloggers, the Net will be monitored by the 'Freedom of the Internets' committee led by Michael Powell, Jerry Falwell and the kind folks at Focus on Family.
More ...
Fox News will open with the anchors holding hands and saying a prayer of thanks that George finally corrected everything that is wrong with America: freedom of speech, the separation of church and state, and the notion of evolution.
The White House press corps will consist of Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Ann Coulter, which is a bit of a joke among Washington insiders because there are no more press conferences.
Newspapers will no longer pretend to report on the pesky truth. While Paul Krugman's and Maureen Dowd's names will still appear on New York Times editorials, they will actually be written by Karl Rove and Karen Hughes.
Welfare, Medicaid and bankruptcy will be replaced with tickets to motivational talks by Jeb, Neil, Barbara and Pappy called 'How to be a Responsible American for Crissakes.'
National Parks will be opened to loggers and renamed National Open Spaces. George will encourage Americans to vacation there to relax and enjoy the stunning beauty of the dirt landscape.
No one will ever be taken off life support, so all hospitals will be crowded with patients in a vegetative state, with the exception of hospitals in Texas, where it is still against the law to value the lives of patients and prisoners.
All high-tech jobs will be out-sourced, leaving software engineers to become nurses because there is plenty of work available due to the number of patients in a vegetative state that need to be cared for. The suicide rate of software engineers in Texas will rise dramatically.
The following will have disappeared, never to be seen again:
-Anyone with the last name Clinton
-Jon Stewart
-Anyone with a name that sounds like Osama, such as Obama
-Kos
-Anyone with the last name Kennedy
-Howard Dean
-Anyone who hasn't cancelled their AARP membership
-George Lakoff
-Anyone who hasn't accepted Jesus as their personal savior
-Michael Moore
The judicial and legislative branches will be disassembled and all decisions will be made exclusively by George, the way God intended.