Only a few minutes remain in 2007, so it’s high time to take a look back and give some well-earned recognition to those people without whose foibles the past year would not have been possible.
The It Takes A Village Award to Lynne Spears, who apparently needs an entire village to keep track of the doings of her daughters. Britney and Jamie Lynn have devolved from celebrities into the sort of individuals who make The Jerry Springer show what it is.
Sen. Larry Craig is the deserving recipient of the Born to Hand Jive Award for his antics within the confines of a men’s room stall at the airport in Minneapolis. The gap between the Idaho Republican’s account of what transpired and the truth appears to be every bit as wide as his celebrated stance.
The GOP’s long-established antipathy toward those whose sexual preferences do not conform to their norms also found voice in 1950s crooner Pat Boone. Boone warned Bluegrass State voters that Democratic gubernatorial candidate Steve Beshear aimed to transform Kentucky into another San Francisco. So, Mr. Boone, you think Democrats have the power to make the state a center of culture, commerce and education, where the differences among people are tolerated, and even celebrated? Your award shares its title with the Fats Domino song you rendered grammatically correct: Isn’t That A Shame.
The Invertebrate Award to Democrats in the House and Senate who failed to draw a line in the sand when it came to the war in Iraq. Maybe 2008 will bring rapid growth in this area. Kinda like a Chia Pet.
On the other side of the aisle, Republicans are more that deserving of The Lenscrafters Award, which allows recipients to trade in those rose-tinted glasses for new spectacles that will allow them to view this ill-considered, elective military action in the proper perspective.
The Fiction Is Just As Strange As Truth Award goes to the people behind the new movie The Golden Compass. The most vile and loathsome woman in all the world is a blonde woman with the surname Coulter. Progressives always suspected as much.
Comedian Rush Limbaugh merits The Unintentional Irony Award for some of his on-air spots. Exhibit A: Limbaugh’s effortless segues between talking up the war in Iraq and shilling for some of General Motors’ thirstiest vehicles – some of the same vehicles that make said war necessary. Exhibit B: Limbaugh’s spots for OTC pharmaceuticals, in which he proudly proclaims that these drugs have a place in his own medicine cabinet. Try not to consider the possibility that El Rushbo’s medicine chest might have enough square footage to house a family of four.
The Don’t Know Much About History Award to Dana Perino, who famously confessed to ignorance about the Cuban Missile crisis. Here’s a tip, Ms. Perino. Study up on Watergate. You’ll soon have to explain much worse.
Vice President Dick Cheney deserves The Judicial Activism Award for advancing the novel claim that his office constitutes a fourth branch of the federal government. That whirring sound comes from the document’s original signers spinning in their graves.
The Is It Live Or Is It Memorex Award to the Central Intelligence Agency for its erasure of torture videotapes in contravention of judicial orders.
Lastly, The Reason For The Season Award to all those individuals I’ve come to know through blogging who were kind enough to remember me this holiday season. Such an outpouring leaves me both humble and grateful.