I have loved Bill Clinton since 1990 when I happened to catch him making a speech to a teachers' organization in, I believe, New Hampshire. I stopped dead in my tracks and listed to the whole thing. I knew I had found the guy, the candidate I had been waiting for all those years of unfulfilled political junkiedom. When he entered the Presidential race of 1992 I drove many miles alone across the state of Texas to see him anytime he appeared. I shook hands with him and never got over it. I thrilled to his victory(s), and during his entire time in the White House I supported and defended him against every attack. I liked Hillary, too, but it was really Bill that I connected with.
At the 2004 convention, I was so thrilled when he gave his speech. I kept telling my husband things like, "He's still just the best, isn't he?" And "Nobody can even come close to that. Listen to him!" Well, the next night I heard a speech that was the best I had ever heard since the "I Have A Dream" speech, and it knocked me over. I stood up in my living room, clapping and cheering with tears running down my face, and I knew I again had something to look forward to. I didn't know when, but I knew I had seen the Next Big Thing.
That didn't dim my reverence for the Clintons, just gave me an optimism about the future. But everything has changed. The last few weeks have made me see Bill and Hillary as the people that I always swore they were not. It is really, really painful for me, and I feel riven. I'm giving up something that was really important to me, but it's just gone. It went away. So I've taken down the life-sized cardboard cutout of Bill with his saxophone that I've carted to three houses, and I've disposed of the campaign buttons and even the signed photos. I can't explain how it feels.
I feel betrayed and disrespected and taken advantage of. I feel cheated and I feel stupid. These people are almost the cartoon characters of Limbaugh and O'Reilly. I know that's over the top, but so are my emotions right now. They have no shame.
But I do have HOPE and I do believe we have a chance to elect a truly transformational leader who will be an inspiration in this daunting time. I am so grateful for Barack Obama, because I feel that otherwise at this time I would be so bitter and cynical that I would give up. But I have to stick with this chance and give it everything I've got, because I believe everything depends on it, especially my children and grandchildren. Please guys, help me make it happen for them. GO OBAMA!