The great Objectivity, dearly beloved among many people on the American left, has passed away today, of an excruciating wasting disease.
Objectivity had a lifelong support of progressive causes including reason, debate, introspection, and questioning. However, in mid-September he came down with a hideous disease. His passing at such a young age leaves questions among many of his friends and followers....
"The technical term [is] Wasting Idolatry Syndrome," said Dr. Pragmatism, who cared for Objectivity in his final weeks. "It's often picked up from politicians whose charisma or experience results in the transmission of the virus to a new host," Paranoidas Partisanus, as the virus is known in scientific circles, comes in many strains, and the most debilitating effects of WIS is the fight between various strains for control of the body. "Poor Objectivity had no chance," said Dr. Reasonable Expectations, his virologist. "He managed to pick up not only the high-powered O and H strains, but even the E strain. There were even a few Ks and a lonely G fighting for control inside. It just tore him apart," Typical virus strain battles involve series of hit diaries, pet conspiracies, and lovefest diaries where individuals can recuperate from the mindless fighting.
Objectivity believed he picked up the virus when he visited DailyKos sometime in mid-September to early October, just as the primary season began. "It was one of those candidate diaries that started it. I fell into bouts of rage, then paranoia. I just couldn't stop." said Objectivity in one of the few lucid moments in the weeks before his death.
The Partisanus virus starts by infecting the spinal cord, causing unforgettable feelings of messianic pleasure. It then spreads to the brain, attacking the centers of higher brain function and causing extreme paranoia, blind loyalty, uncritical devotion to a particular political candidate, and finally proceeds to delusions of a media conspiracy. At this stage the virus is incurable, causing degeneration into rage and partisanship, leading to death. Objectivity's syndrome was not caught early enough, leading to his demise at his young age, despite efforts of Drs. Pragmatism and Reflection, who valiantly tried every 'experimental' procedure his insurance would cover.
His last wishes were that he be remembered, and that, once the primary season was over, progressives would once again follow his path.
Objectivity leaves behind a widow, Clarity, and two daughters, Logic and Reason. They hope his passing will call attention to this relatively obscure disease.