The Republican debate at the Ronald Reagan Library promises to be an embarrassment to all men everywhere. It's one thing to win one for the Gipper. It's another to spend the game on your knees sweating and trying to channel him.
Mr. Romney, if Ronald Reagan were alive today, which unfortunately he is not, would he endorse you?
MR. ROMNEY. A wretch like me? I am not fit to cut the grass on Ronald Reagan's grave. We are all bound for hell and the most we can do is believe in Ronald Reagan. I wear his medallion around my neck, as you can see, and I kneel and face Santa Barbara and I pray to him six times a day, and he tells me what to do, too.
MR. HUCKABEE. That just proves you're a Muslim terrorist. You don't know Reagan in your heart and you haven't accepted him into your heart as your savior. I have, as you can see by this wide and colorful pattern of scars, tattoos and bead implants painfully carved into my chest. And I have brought this goat as an burnt offering.
GOAT: Baaaaaaaaaaa.
MODERATOR: Mr. Huckabee...
MR. GIULIANI: I'd just like to say 9-1-1, and to add that I am the only person allowed to say 911 unless it is an emergency and you need to dial it on the phone. I'd just like to say that on 9-11 when everybody was screaming and dying and choking and weeping except the firemen who let's face it were just angling for City pensions which I frugally denied them, and while the rest of the world acted like a big lame bunch of old pussies, I called upon Ronald Reagan and he told me that this day should be sanctified as Rudy Giuliani Day, and he granted unto me the copyright unto it.
MODERATOR: MR. Huckabee...
GOAT: BaaaaaaaAAAAAAA [abrupt silence]
MR. McCAIN: That's disgusting.