Disclaimer: Writing for Daily Kos is now my full-time job. Therefore the only way I could leave, really, would be to die. And even then, you Kossacks are so damned intelligent and resourceful that you'd figure out a way to put my brain in a jar and attach it, via electrodes and wires and shit, to a keyboard, and force me to continue cranking out whatever the hell it is I crank out five days a week (not one or two days a week like those lollygagging columnists at the...what are they called again?...newspapers).
Just so we're clear.
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There are a few reasons why I wouldn't leave Daily Kos even if I could. Let me count the ways.
[Cont'd]
1 I have free will. I can choose to splash in some diaries but not in others. Duh!! If the comments are interesting and fun and thought-provoking, I'll stay. If they get too personal or if the diarist is a dick, I'll leave. Here, let me show you how: You left-click your mouse so that it---this is critical---takes you to a different web page. "By Jove, jeeves, can this be done?" "I assure you it can, sir." "Then let us do it!" "Veddy good, sir."
[Pops blood pressure pill, washes it down with booze.]
2 The front-pagers who aren't named Bill in Portland Maine are fan-fucking-tastic. Are you kidding me, you GBCW'ers? Are you---look at me when I'm talkin' to ya!---are you kidding me??? You would walk away from the blog whose front page is firing on all cylinders right now??? Are you on crack??? Hunter? Georgia-Fuckin'-10? The newbies, who are kicking ass? Trapper John and Meteor Blades and DHinMI, who are three of the godbloggers of the universe? Plutonium Page? SusanG? Barb in MD? Darksyde? Ct? Adam B? McJoan? DemfromCT? Devilstower? DavidNYC? KagroX? MissLaura? And whatizname, who runs this place? They should give out diplomas for what we learn from these amazing people. Holy cow, that is stunning.
[Pops Valium, washes it down with booze.]
3 What a slap in the face to all the talented, intelligent, thoughtful, and gutsy Kossacks who pour themselves into all the diiaries that have nothing to do with the presidential election. People who write about, oh I dunno, the Iraq war and the environment and FISA reform and the health care crisis (nyceve is a goddess) and economics (bonddad and jerome a paris are gods) and war casualties (IGTNT is so important it makes me want to scream) and congressional races and state races and on and on and on. What about the senators and congressmembers who stop by? What about jotter's high-impact diaries and the humor of Dood Abides and Karateexplosions? What about Keith Freakin' Olbermann, who now seems to write five entertaining diaries a day here (but don't quit your night job)???
I'd say that the diaries are pretty red-hot now, too. No, I'd go further than that. I would bet both of my testicles---which helped me become the world bocce ball champion---that the diaries are just as hot as the front page. I can't even imagine what Kos goes through when he considers who to promote to the front page. Can you?
[Noshes on hash brownie. Washes it down with...milk]
4 You fuckers would leave me? Shit, I don't participate in the candidate diaries. I ain't got no dog in this fight yet (though watching the spectacle unfold is like winning a lottery whose grand prize is swimming naked in a vat of melted chocolate). I'm offended. You...you are part of my family. If you leave me now, you'll take away the biggest part of me. Woo hooooooooo no, baby, please don't go! Plus you still have my lava lamp and toothbrush at your place. And the videos---I will definitely want those videos back.
[Attempts to snort blow, only to discover it's fucking baking---Ow! Shit!---soda.]
5 It's a fricking election year unlike ANY ELECTION YEAR SINCE EVER. Deal with it. Revel in it. Participate in it. Think of how you'll look back on these heady days a year or two...or five or ten...years from now. This is it. To paraphrase Yoda: "History surrounds us and binds us to the galaxy. Luminous beings are we!" Sure, we're also petty and bickery and rude...welcome to the world of politics!
[Dangles pootie from roof.]
6 You'll still be a closet lurker, anyway, and we all know it. So you might stop commenting for awhile, but we'll keep on saying hello to you anyway because we know your eyeballs will still be lookin' at us. No, really...you're not fooling anybody. No...you're not. No, you're not. NO YOU'RE NOT!!!
In conclusion:
These are reasons why I stay at Daily Kos.
Thank you.
I will now answer your questions about anything but the presidential election campaigns.
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P.S. No pooties were harmed in the writing of this diary.