Well, it's January 29th, 2008, and today I'm turning 22 years old. Young, I know, although in my own relative experience it's certainly the oldest I've ever felt. Today like most people my mind is elsewhere, somewhere between Florida and February 5th, and I find myself wondering what it is I really want for my birthday. Follow me after the break...
Some background, first. I live in Arizona, and have one semester of school left at ASU before I receive my degree (finally) in English. I transferred here last summer from the University of Florida in Gainesville, Florida, where I spent my first three years of school. The entire reason behind my transfer was my son, who was born October 8th, 2006. My fiance and I knew that we wanted our son to be closer to my family, and I wanted a better life than what was available to us in the incredibly over-saturated college town of Gainesville. So here I am, living a life I couldn't have predicted years ago if I had tried.
I should note here that I've been a dedicated Obama supporter since sometime before my son was born. I've donated small amounts here and there and seen him speak, and I do plan on voting for him in our primary here February the 5th.
But this diary isn't so much about Obama specifically. It's about something more.
Shortly after moving here last July, I spent months looking for work. I ensured that my remaining classes would all be online so that I would have a full time availability for work. I waited for my fiance's school schedule to be firmed up so that we wouldn't have to worry about a babysitter. And I did everything in my power to do anything BUT deliver pizzas, work at a retail store, or do any of the other meaningless jobs that barely got me anywhere after I had a child. I realized I was being picky, but my ultimate goal was to provide for my family and do something I could enjoy. I finally found a position tutoring inner-city elementary school children in Phoenix, roughly 45 minutes or so from where I live in Gilbert. I took it immediately, unsure of myself but confident that the position would be everything I was hoping it would be.
My first day was, for all intents and purposes, almost as terrifying as having a child. Ok, well maybe not that bad, but I was still pretty damn nervous. On the way to the school, I began wondering if I had enough of a disciplinarian in me to stand up against hordes of rowdy kids. I imagined how embarrassing it would be if I, say, mixed up long and short vowels or something, forever damning my students to a life of confusion. But as I pulled into the school, all my childish fears were crushed with the reality of what I was approaching.
Graffiti covered the walls of the school. Not just the walls, but the air conditioners on the roofs, the swing sets, the sidewalks.
And old fence, falling apart with holes and bulges, surrounded a set of four or five buildings with cages over the windows, which I later learned were to prevent vandalism.
I made my way to the front office, and noticed on the wall a poster with a picture of a teenage Latino girl and her name written in green marker. Beside it, a message read;
"Fundraiser all week! Donate at the front office to help with burial costs."
This, in an elementary school.
Not all of what I saw could be described as horrible. The school had done what they could to begin planting trees, building new benches, and there was even a small enclosed farm area with goats and sheep. But the truth remained that I had never seen a school such as this, and I realized immediately how truly ignorant I was to the state of our nation.
I asked myself... how would I feel dropping my child off at the school every morning? What sort of self-worth could I possibly instill in a child who was surrounded by examples of a world that simply didn't take care of itself?
Ultimately my first day was a beautiful experience for me. I met the children I was tutoring - five total - and to this day each of them is learning in ways I can't begin to express. This program that I'm a part of is state-sponsored and provided specifically to lower-income families free of charge. The children I tutor all have different stories - one of them is 12 and in the 4th grade. Another, a 3rd grade latino girl, doesn't know what a princess is. But all of them are learning, and each of them giggle endlessly when, at the end of a successful work day, they get to choose a snack (most of the time several snacks) from a goodie bag I bring along.
Now, of course, none of this really has anything to do with Barack Obama, or John Edwards, or Hillary Clinton. This isn't a diary about racial politics or endorsements, nor does it take a stance on delegates or FISA legislation. I have to admit that part of the reason I come to DailyKos is to educate myself on such matters so that I can discuss them intelligently and with some sense of context.
But honestly, I feel like most of the time politics serves itself above everything else. What other explanation can be warranted for the punditry that follows from every single primary? How else can we explain why it seems we spend every week analyzing what Bill Clinton might have meant, whether or not Obama knows what an actual policy is, or tracking how angry John Edwards is? I mean, does anyone really think it means anything?
So my wish is that this year, the Democratic party will get back to the reason we support it at all. As far as I can recall, democrats vote the way they do because of one simple ideal - to speak for those who cannot speak. To vote for those who cannot vote. To care for the people who ask for nothing but an equal chance. The Democratic party recognizes that being born in America DOES NOT mean an equal footing with everyone else in the same nation. We recognize that people suffer every day because of elements outside of their control. When we see Mitt Romney criticize Mike Huckabee for offering scholarships to the children of illegal immigrants, we cringe at the worldview that causes a person to judge a child by the merits or actions of their parents.
The children I tutor have no control over their environment. They can't help their absent parents, they can't choose what school they attend or the neighborhood they live in. They can't fill the potholes covering the entrance to their bus loop, or even raise enough money themselves to pay for the burial costs of someone in their community. We have to wake up and realize that these are the people who we expect to vote for a Democrat when they turn 18. But really, why should they? They turn on the TV and hear mudslinging and arguments about mandates. They walk out the door and hear gunshots. Where do these children turn for (and I hate to use this word) - Change? Who can they rely on?
And yet in spite of all my frustration, I know this; we have such talent in our party that if we DON'T accomplish the change we so desperately need, it will be OUR fault and OUR fault only. We have to ensure that in our debate over who would lead our party best, we don't lose sight of how FANTASTIC the strengths of each of our frontrunners truly are. Hillary Clinton inspires me. John Edwards inspires me. Yes, I'm voting for Barack Obama, but I CANNOT support any scenario that marginalizes either other candidate because it would be foolish to lose their talents and ideas. Every single candidate deserves representation and a voice, an equal look by every voter.
So, on today, my birthday... important to only me, of course, but a birthday nonetheless... I'm hoping for Democratic Unity. The people who support John Edwards and worry that any other candidate won't fight for them the way that he will deserve a party that stands by its ideals - and its people- no matter the cost. Supporters of Clinton who may be concerned at the experience of other candidates deserve a party that will value the importance of knowledge and past experiences, and we must ensure that whatever candidate we elect has the full weight of our party's history behind it. Supporters of Obama like myself who worry about the rhetoric and vision of our government deserve a party that consistently demands improvement and change and won't ever be satisfied with the status quo.
Electing one of these candidates won't erase the other two. Let's wish them all luck and vote for the candidate we support, knowing that at the end of this primary we'll still have all three of them in our party, fighting for us, the children I tutor, and all the others across the nation and the world.