About six weeks ago, I lost my job as a result of the "subprime mortgage crisis". I knew that the potential was there for it to happen for a long time, and so financially I'm ok. Well, except until I get my COBRA premium notice in the next week or so. Then I may freak.
I'd been looking for a new job since last August, but things were crappy at the end of last year. Suddenly, things have exploded. My cell phone rings off and on all day as recruiters find my resume online and start feeling me out for a laundry list of opportunities.
Now I'm getting down to brass tacks. I think the field has finally narrowed to three positions, and we're getting into final phase interviews. I have never had trouble finding a job and don't expect to this time, either. But at the same time, I'm finding the price I'm paying and the toll it's taking is much, much steeper than ever before.
- Interviews are exhausting. I've had days where I go through up to six or seven phone screenings an afternoon, and drag myself off to bed immediately thereafter. The questions are tougher, the answers more complicated.
- The salesmanship I have to exhibit makes me feel like a used car lizard. I'm not lying, but I have to repeat the same stories over and over and over again, each time tweaking them so that the tales I relate make contextual sense to the interviewer.
- The in-person interviews are longer and usually by committee. I have one interview next week that's going to last all day. I had one two weeks ago that lasted two hours and was conducted by six people.
I'm finding myself wondering if my exhausted, mind-numbed psychological state is going to last forever. Since my husband is working on a project that may take 12-18 months to contribute to our household income, I've volunteered to go back to work. I'm not exactly thrilled at the prospect. Just getting up early in the morning to run the interview gauntlet is discouraging. I just don't feel ready to go back to the proverbial grind yet.
I know, I know....at least I'm in a part of the country that is doing relatively well, and have a career path that makes me invariably in demand. I should be grateful. But I'm bitter. There's no security...I could easily get canned again. Long hours, long commutes (for one job, potentially 90 minutes each way on the bus), and days that drag endlessly into one another.
But the worst is that I feel like a whore. I'm whoring myself in the name of the great corporate mindfuck. What choice is there?